Spare our blushes and put a sack on it
Taping a bag over the heads of Afghan prisoners stops us feeling anything for them, so we can breakfast in peace
by Terry Jones

The photo also appeared in the Times here, but neither paper mentioned the part of the photo that got me so excited as President of the Humane Society for Putting Bags Over Suspects' Heads. The photograph clearly showed that the prisoners suspected of belonging to al-Qaeda had their arms pinioned behind them and had bags over their heads, secured with metallic tape. We in HSPBOSH have been trying for years to get more armies to put bags over the heads of anyone they suspect of anything. For one thing, the placing of a bag over the heads of suspects protects those of us who are not involved from unpleasant feelings of sympathy for the prisoners. There is nothing more offensive to ordinary, law-abiding newspaper- readers than seeing rows of sorry-looking peasants being herded into the backs of cattle-trucks by our lads in the Army. The prisoners often looked frightened, dejected and hungry, and how can anyone eat a decent full breakfast over photos like that?
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thanks to Cursor

HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS DEMAND WARS IN EASIER-TO-FIND COUNTRIES
"How Come No One Fights in Big Famous Nations Anymore?" They Ask?

A delegation of American high school students today demanded the United States stop waging war in obscure nations such as Afghanistan, Kuwait, and Bosnia-Herzegovina, and instead attack places they've actually heard of, such as France, Australia, and Austria, unless, they said, those last two are the same country.
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