Take Back Valentine's Day
Get a "Heart On for Jesus"

Valentine's Day has always been nothing more than a shameless celebration of promiscuity. In grade schools throughout the land, six-year-olds are encouraged to fill their classmates' shoeboxes with sexually predatory demands like, "Be Mine!" Hearts are everywhere - red and round like ripe baboon anuses when the monkeys are in heat. Grown women are running around with their hearts on fire for any stranger with a Whitman's Sampler. But all these people whipped into a fornicating frenzy have their hearts turned off to the one person who matters - Jesus! Well, we at Landover Baptist are going on record, saying our hearts are on for Jesus! Landover Baptist joins Christians nationwide in implementing the “I’ve Got a Heart On For Jesus!” campaign to teach children the importance of living chaste, sin-free lives. The program replaces the secular "holiday" of "Valentine's Day."