The mind is an amazing thing. At it's best it can create patterns of sublime beauty. It can create great symphonies and theories of realtivity. All that from a brain of firing electrical impulses and chemical reactions. Truly amazing. But sometimes the electrical impulses don't fire because the cells aren't there anymore and the chemicals are all out of balance.

Gerry, Zoe's mom, has Alzheimer's and is living with us. Her Alzheimer's is getting worse. She tries hard but knows that something is wrong and she doesn't know what it is. Something is terribly out of whack and she doesn't know why. And that scares her. It gets worse at night. She repeatedly has to check that the doors are locked. She can't lock the door to her bedroom so she moves furniture in front of the door.

As her meds are adjusted sometimes it gets better and sometimes worse. Sometimes she can barely speak. She can't find any words or the words that come out are nonsense. Other times she appears fine but it is only an appearance for she is still confused. She is not sure of what is going on around here or where she lives or whose house this is.

The only thing I can relate it to is being stuck in a bad acid trip and not knowing that is what was in the Koolaid. Only the trip doesn't end.

A year ago she became fearful of living alone and last November she moved in. Now, particularly later in the day, she is afraid of being in a room alone. This has been hard on Zoe since she likes her privacy. She doesn't have much anymore. I take Gerry out when I do errands. It's been helpful that I am self-employed and work from home. I can set or interrupt my schedule to take care of Gerry. When I am at my computer my ears are always listening for noises downstairs. What is Gerry doing now? Does she need help? Yesterday, she said she was going to toast some English muffins. I went upstairs. Soon I heard some beeping and then the microwave was on. I rushed downstairs and she had the muffins in a bowl in the microwave. I turned off the microwave and showed her the toaster. "How do you know these things?" she said. Other times she appears fine. We never quite know what to expect.

It's a burden and not a burden. As I took care of my kids, I take care of Gerry. (My brother Terry is doing the same for my mom.) It's part of life. We take care of those around us as best we can.