In Bill Murray's "Groundhog Day" he wakes up and it's the same day over and over and over. A continual never-ending, repeating reality. With Gerry's Alzheimer's the repeat can be in minutes.

"Where do I go?" "Why didn't you tell me?" "I didn't know that!" "I've only been here two days." "Where do I live?" "I'm afraid. My knees are shaking and I'm shaking."

Gerry increasingly doesn't know where she is. She has lived with us for a year. A couple of days ago she was taking clothes out of her dresser and looking for a box to put them in because she thought she had to go back to Connecticut. She moved out here from Connecticut over 10 years ago. She thinks she has only been here for two days. She thinks she has to go back to where ever her home is. We sold her house this summer.

She can't be left alone. She becomes very agitated and fearful if she thinks she will be left alone. If Zoe is sleeping I have to stay in the house or Gerry will be upset. Not to mention that she might wander off. Luckily we haven't had that happen, yet. I've been her primary care giver. I give her her meds and cook her meals. She has become very dependent on my being close by. Even if I leave the house to run errands and Zoe is with her she keeps asking "When will Gordy be back?" It's scary having someone that dependent on me.

Zoe knows we don't have long to go before we have to find a home for her. She is still reluctant and for good reason. The people in Gerry's world are becoming more and more indistinct. Two days ago she told me she had a younger brother named Jay. He was 10 years younger than she was. She said he was about 30 and in the next minute she said he just graduated High School. Gerry is 81 and Jay died about 20 years ago. Then she talked about an older brother she doesn't have. Then Joan, Jay's wife, called. Gerry talked to her but didn't know who whe was. Gerry still knows us but I think that is becaues we are with her all the time. Zoe feels, and I agree, that once Gerry moves into a home the she will start forgetting us.

Then there is the fear. The irrational, overwhelming fear. Sometimes furing the day but always when the sun goes down. Uncovered windows are very scary. "They can look in!" We cover them up at night. "Are the doors locked?" is asked over and over again. We "block" the door with a music stand. It helps Gerry.

We never know from minute to minute what is going to happen.