The end of the walk

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Last Wednesday I had too much. It used to be that Gerry would start getting scared in the evening. She couldn't be by herself. That's why we have a caregiver coming in the evenings. But her Alzheimer's keeps getting worse and now she has to have someone with her pretty much all the time. That usually means me. She is not too bad in the morning but by late morning I have to sit with her in her bedroom. That makes it very hard to get any work done.

Last Wednesday the stress was getting too much and I blew up. I had to get out of the house. I drove around aimlessly and then headed for Double Bluff and started walking down the beach. The beach heads west for about two miles until the bluff comes back down to the beach and the shore takes a right angle and heads north. It was getting dark and although there were rain clouds it wasn't raining on me. I walked until I came to the where I couldn't walk west anymore.

I just stood there comparing the scene before me with my life and took this picture. It was getting dark and I finally turned around and headed back. I had walked quickly out but walked very slowly back. Slow enough that it was dark soon. I had forgotten how much I like walking beaches at night. It helped clear my head.

This afternoon Zoe goes to check out a care facility in Oak Harbor. That's causing a whole different set of emotions with her. But it's time. Physically Gerry is having a harder and harder time getting around. She is bent over and takes little shuffle steps. It scares me that I may not be able to do what's needed for her. She will be moving in the near future. That's good and bad. Zoe and I will start getting our lives back. But Gerry's disentegration will continue.