A Week of Proclamations
By Michael Moore

"Last week, President Obama addressed the nation, declaring the war in Iraq to be over and that combat troops were all home. Yesterday, two American soldiers were killed in Iraq -- by an Iraqi government soldier. This followed an attack on Sunday on a U.S. base in Baghdad. It all seemed a bit confusing to me because I always thought that when a President declares something, it's supposed to happen. Now I'm worried about the other proclamations Mr. Obama made this past week:

"Tuesday, August 31:
"Today, I am announcing that combat operations have ceased in Iraq. There will be no more combat. Combat is over. Done. Finished."

"Wednesday, September 1:
"I am here today to declare an end to global warming. Don't ask me how I did it. And there's no reason to look at thermometers or the polar ice caps anymore, because I just told you everything's great. Just send me another Nobel Peace Prize."

"Thursday, September 2:
"Today I am announcing there is no more unemployment in America. Everyone else just got a big raise and fantastic health coverage. And all 37 million outsourced jobs are back. (Don’t ask your bosses about the raise tomorrow, they'll just be embarrassed.)"

"Friday, September 3:
"Today I am announcing that mosquitoes and all insects smaller than a centimeter will heretofore go away and stop biting hard working Americans." "