| Hope. That's what was written on my purple rubber "Relay Walk for Life" bracelet I purchased at the doctor's office today. 
I left my appointment today with more than a word, but a feeling of hope again, and some renewed energy...thank you to all who helped make this happen. My talk with my physician clarified my options, and encourgement about his faith in my Surgeon, who I am meeting with tomorrow. The emphasis is on "make sure that they get all the tissue they need to get a diagnosis". To go back in would be a very stressful and time-eating situation. He explained that the most "invasive" procedure would leave me with a "divot" about 1+ inches, and that would include removing the entire (mystery) mass. And, there would still be a need for a procedure to get at the calcification beneath the nipple. When I asked what questions should I ask the surgeon, and he again mentioned that we need to do what would it take to get enough for a sample. I asked about lidocane et al, and he said that is usually what is done, but if I am going to be "edgy" and moving around, that I should discuss it with my surgeon, and he could use an anesthesia that is like similar to the one I had when I had the Colonoscopy and Endoscopy. I asked if that was "dangerous" and was assured that it wasn't; again it is like what I had before, you just don't remember it. We also have a renewed plan on how to tackle my abdominal symptoms (surprisingly, I sort of felt like because I'm going through this health anxiety, that my abdominal would wait in the queue, not overlap -- what was I thinking?). And I'm going to add another Rx to my repetoire. I tried it before, but it was so long ago, just after my surgery in '03, that it may work now that things tend to be more "calm". So my toes and fingers are crossed that this helps! I also set up an appointment for an X-ray for Mom because her hips are really hurting her to the point that it's tough for her to walk. She has refused to go to see the Dr., so we're going the back way in to an appointment. After he gets the x-rays, we'll meet with him and hope to relieve her pain. Before I left to check out of the office, Dr D came in and spoke with me. She talked to Hank Kaplan on the phone. He was my Dad's Oncologist, and I trust him beyond words. And Dad trusted him too. He is an amazing man and an amazing physician! Well, he's not taking more patients, but when Dr D spoke to him, she received 2 recommendations of who might do the biopsy in Seattle, out of Swedish. I told her that as of now, I am going locally after talking with my doctor, but if for some reason I don't feel like we would do well together, I'll go back to the office, and get referred to one of these two surgeons Dr Kaplan recommended. Dr D also said, "If I am going to be on my deathbed, there is no one I'd rather have by my side...!" and I know what she means. He's amazing. But so is Dr D. She also talked about who I am, and that he may remember my father, a former patient, Raymond, and he said "Oh yes! I remember Ray" with such fondness in his voice. Dad is still watching out for me, and paving a path for care by his actions and his strength of character while he was with us. Thank you Dad. And thank you to all you wonderful people at the office who have taken my phone calls, answered my plethora of questions, and who offer hugs along with care. Yes, today's word is HOPE.
## addendum; I had volunteered my time and "talents" years ago to building a site for them...good karma?
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