Originally I had asked Kim to come, but on the day of, I spoke to her and asked her to stay home. I so didn't want to hurt her feelings, and she said she only wanted to be and do whatever I want or need, so I guess, even if it did hurt, she at least gave me a "get out of jail free" card for the day.

What I feared, is that I would break down instead of having "girded loins" because I feel so safe with her, and don't have to put on airs, but with G and G, not so the case. There are expectations...thus easier to be a strong one.

When I got inside, and met with Dr P, he was very professional and kind, as was the Tech. I got to be very intimate with the "stereo" as they fondly call the machine I knew as the stereotactic machine.

Another surprise, was just how HIGH this thing gets. I had zero clue that I got raised at least 6+ feet laying down! They have me look at the wall, so there was no clue that I was being raised.

The room is dimly lit, and ahead of me is the xray viewer, behind, all sorts of imaging and "triangulating" machines. They use that to get my breast in position to get at the spots they want to grab with the core needle.

They started with the one closest to my chest wall. None of the procedures were easy or quickly done. And they were both quick and efficient, yet warm -- a very perfect combination. Heck I even came out with some lame jokes about the "milking machine" etc etc...just call me elsie!

They constantly tell me what is going to happen, and what the noises I am going to hear, or what I'll feel etc. Because of my allergy to epinephrine, they used something that didn't have it -- and they also listened to me when I shared my fears about how the trauma and pain will be transferred to my FM /MPS body and the backlash /flare.

The good Doc honored my request to not put a marker in the nipple, but there are 2 others in my breast now.

It was well over 2 hours, and after the 2nd spot, the Doctor asked if I wanted to call it a day, actually, he asked me after #1, but after #2, I think he really was feeling it was a bit much for me to deal with, but I told him that if he's game, I'd prefer to do it NOW and not have to make this last longer than the 40+ days it's taken of hurry up and wait to learn anything to date.

When Dr P left the room, the Tech, told me she would've made the same choice, it was really really nice to have it validated and my choice supported. They do have heart here.

But, due to the science of their jobs, they have to remain very focused to be efficient and exact. It makes it really really hard to find excuses for those MDs and RNs and Techs who are not nearly as nice and feel "oh, sooooo put upon" when you run across a group that manages to excel at both aspects of the field!

There was pain, some times more than others. But the pain didn't really kick in until I was in heavy Seattle traffic on rt 5, and hot and all of the ice melted, and the local wore off. Then oooh, the pain!

But, before I left, I asked things like how many "samples, aka zaps" per spot. The first one, as I said, was near the chest wall, and hard to get at...very hard...they grabbed about 15+. The 2nd one was that "cyst" that was not visible to the ultrasound, that too a lot of "rolling" and pulling and angles and what all else to reposition the screen or xray or my breast to get a view. They took over 12 samples...I was very lucky they found it and could grab some samples.

The final one, which the good Doc suggested I not go for, because of pain, and trauma to the breast, and all that local anaesthesia, which is a lot to put in the breast, and it also obscures vision when trying to locate the calcifications, and there has been a lot of blood already lost, but I said "carry on" and so we did after a chat.

They found it pretty quickly, and after a bunch of samples, he said "Text book job!". So voila!

They gave me breaks between areas. The first required a potty break, the 2nd, moving my broken back in spasm and pain...arghhhh, and that's when I saw just how high up I was! ;-) At that time, the tech got the machine readied for the 3rd time. Again, all the time talking and keeping the vibe caring and warm, v. clinical which this is soooooo much what this process is!

Dr P started to explain things to me, but between my mind being overloaded regularly due to my regular Rx, and my chronic pain et al, I knew I wasn't holding on the to the info. So I had them bring Gordy in.

He was there, and I thought he was listening, later to find out to my chagrin, not so much. Damn.
Lots of blood to be found. And when I was left alone, I paced some, and saw swabs drenched with it, and deep, and a tube that had tons of blood in it, and of course many wraps and such...who knew?

They really didn't let on what was going on. And they were consistent and calm, and one time, they laughed while at the machine, and I felt small, but they, without any prompting from me, told me why they were laughing in case I was wondering (I have no recall what they said ).

I asked, gut feel, totally unofficially, what was the kind MD's thoughts about cancer, he shared that if he had to guess, he'd say, the nipple and the elusive center one are ok, and the one next to the chest wall is more likely cancer -- maybe 50/50 chance, but he's going to hope and pray and cross his fingers and toes that there is NO cancer.

He also did an endearing thing -- he knocked wood!!! I carry, oh so superstitiously and magically thinking, a necklace made of wood, for easy access. I let him use it, and he did, then used his head.

Oh, BTW, the 6mg of Valium taken an hour before did little in the sedation department, but I'm sure it probably took an edge off, although it was not visible to the naked "eye". ;-)

One more Kudo that needs to be stated, I take a gazillion meds due to all my chronic illnesses. And, the big thing was to NOT take blood thinners. So, after he left, somehow, the Tech found him and asked him to go over my Rx and see if they are ok to still take.

He came at a break with his next patient to look 'em over and give me /them the ok!
I stole a quick hug at that time!
I also got a hug from the tech too.

They both get major points for accepting a hug which is not their typical modus operani methinks! Consumate proffesionals in every way -- that means kindness and recognizing there is a patient behind that breast!

At home, I iced it a lot, and have managed to wear a bra some how -- I've rigged a kind of Madonna look, as in bra over soft t-shirt! Ahhhhhh! Ice is a blessing, as is the vicodin. I have been taking very little of it, only succoming when necessary. Kind of doing that stoic thang.

I took snaps of it, so I could see my breast -- blood all over, even through the bandages, but I'm to leave them on until I speak to the oncologist and get the results. Also, I'm to be a total vegetable, but, of course, my family doesn't support that process, they just don't get it, they can't spoil me as needed for the 48 hours. And, the reason for being a slug, and no carrying, and no kids, is so I don't let loose a blood clot.

So, y'all have my "permish" (permission) to beat on the family if die, or get a loose clot. ;-). 'Smatter o' fact, I beseech y'all to please beat on them if I die of get sick from a clot! Deal? ;-)

[did I mention that as the elevator hit floor D in parking, I lost it for a minute, and just cried in my Mommy's arms? She was there for me at that moment...just what I needed]. Later at home, I didn't need G's attitude or martyrdom. But I have signed up for it, by now I would do myself a favor to not expect a level of care that has yet to happen...but it's so hard to think a person can't fake it for 2 days, eh? Especially with a lot at stake here. Oh well.

Oh, yeah, I couldn't put my arm down it was so swollen -- and my left one is the smaller of the two, and yet it was way larger than the right!!! Yikes.

Today (wed) brings pain, and lots of depression and lack of being loved or cared for. But, it's my bed, so to speak!

Kim was here, that was really good to see her and have her energy here! She's a good lady.

Well, time for more Rx, and some more rest...hopehope.

So, to those that go after me, if you have just one area, you prolly won't have the level of pain afterwards that I have. The MD said that he was very impressed that I hung in there for 3 areas. That took courage and determination. Yay me. I did tell him, I bet you say that to all your patients, and then, instead of letting it be a joke, he said, no, I really did well, that this was not typical.

So, it hurts. But psychologically, I'm not stressing as much, for the moment, because something was done for once, and something other than fear and the unknown is in my future.

I need prayers and light more than ever now.

Thank you everyone for your help and support, and if you are going through this type of thing, please don't hesitate to write and ask. OHOHOH!!! BTW, Dr P was VERY pleased that I had done my homework on the net, not just on the procedure, but on him! That was a boon! As I said, he's an amazing man, who is beyond his ego!!!

This was a lucky "marriage" for me.
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