The physical pain has been excrutiating! When I take a sleeping pill, even it can't cut through the pain to let me get some blessed sleep and respite. That's tough pain.
It's sort of like when I first had FM (Fibromyalgia) and was knocked on my ass, before I took any medicine for the symptoms. Add to that the new joys of both hands being tres CTS (Carpal Tunnel Syndrome) "extreme" as the neurologist determined after using that torture device to test my nerve response, and you gots big pain! I find it hard to make it as important as it is in my life right now, the words just don't express it's intensity.
I don't know if this is a new "phase" and cumulation of all my TLA (three letter acrony) Dx and their repercussion, or, more hopefully, just due to the seasonal changes, i.e. the barometer is changing constantly, and there was always an impact on my pain levels when this happens. At least if it's seasonal, then "this too shall pass" (sore toes and warped fingers are crossed).
But, this is a whole new level of agony! Happy new year, eh?
I put a call in to my Rheum, to find out about whether he got info from Gierkhe, or not, and whether I should get the MRI on my hands, and /or surgery based on the findings.
There is also a call into my GP, to see if he has any thoughts on how to get me through this relatively less difficulty. Leslie said "have you taken a warm bath?", er, I guess I haven't stated my case clearly enough if that sounds like a resolution.
Now, Momstuff. Last night she was so frightened like a deer in the headlights. She was scared frozen. She was ready to run away, but had no idea where to go, or how to imagine where was "safe". She thought hospitalization even, she was just that terrified. She wanted relief, a place to go where it was ok again for her, methinks she just wanted to go back into the past, when Dad and she were living here, together, and she was just simply cared for and loved again without any work. Their relationship had gotten that good. Were that I could make it so....
She's very bad now memory wise, but it's so fortunate that she still knows Gordy and me so far (knock wood). And, her bad memory, while it kills me as it happens, and as we knock heads re: her care (I *took* that pill already! I already Showered! I haven't eaten yet! I did NOT do that! I just DID that. etc etc and the repetition and the repetition and the... ad nauseum) I am ever so thankful that it can work in her favor!!!
An example, she really wanted out of living here last night (BTW, while she was here in my room, she, of course, believed she lived elsewhere (unknown to her, but a nebulous elsewhere) and could not even recall the layout of my house) this AM, as a way to honor her, I asked if she still was considering wanting to leave here, and find a different place, a "safer" place to live, but she forgot all of the angst of last night, and said why? here is just fine. So all the dust settled (yet I haven't...things stay with me).
Gordy and Mom are back. ## [and looks like my "shadow" is back...stuck to me and way too close physically in my "personal space" and as ever, intrusive -- my kingdom for some healthy privacy!?!]
