| i dare anyone to tell me that this is simply coincidence, that god /dess wasn't giving me a strong message that I was doing wrong when i decided to go to the supermarket for a quick run while carol was here with mom... ..as I put on my coat to go out with gordy, carol was walking back in and zach ran outside!!! at night!!! in coyote-ville and with owls hooting for a morsel like zach...tell me he wasn't giving me a strong message that "how dare you leave your mother!!! you know you are not allowed freedom or fun, you are here to take care of your mom -- bad enough that carol is with her now, how dare you leave the house!"...I dare anyone to say that I was given a strong message that it was wrong to leave her. To top it off, I got yelled at by IHN and instructed about the way they believe i should care for mom, [but i ended up pushing back on that one and they actually did apologize for their insensitivity and not checking with me for answers before accusing me], but it stung. We've set up an appt. for next wed. to go to "homeplace" (Kim and I) to see if it is a "good" place for mom, and what the availability is, and then, sprinkle it today with the proverbial cherry on top with my almost losing Zach when i attempted to leave Mom for a bit of time alone with gordy on a stupid errand...this is a definite message. I truly am worthless -- what i offer the universe is my ever-dwindling savings, and my body as an experiment in invisible chronic illnesses -- what a legacy, eh? I try so hard to be good and do the right thing, but it's forever wrong. Time for some Rx and sleep if i'm able.
##
|
