| Mom is definitely looking better since she moved to HomePlace. I'm sure a lot of it is that she's kept clean regularly, and her bottom checked frequently, and she has a shower, now on a schedule, and her meds? Well consistency is key -- the time doesn't vary like it could, here at home, as we got caught up in the hustle of the day. At HomePlace, their only "hustle of the day" is to make sure all the residents get their meals and meds and stay clean and healthy and cared for and attended to and that they have socializing activities. They are very special people at HomePlace, they really care about the residents -- it's not just a "show" for my benefit when I visit. So, all this health care combined is making Mom look better; her skin doesn't flake off and itch [although she LOVED when I scratched her back yesterday] and she nodded off while I was there, but was lisltening to every word, and she looks so beautiful without a stitch o' makeup. I'm so glad at the level of care she's getting, but, I'm so saddened by my missing her all the time, even when I visit. I love her so much, but we can't have a two-way conversation as she still speaks, or defaults to, a form of nonsense words. Kim says when they are together, she rambles on and tells stories of the day to Mom and Mom responds, but I never was much of an event speaker, and my events are on such a small scale to boot -- more about bill-paying, and pain, and MDs and worries about finances -- oh I am feeling the pinch horrifically...--and I really don't have a life to share with her. I don't do anything except fret about how I will pay this or that bill, or when am I going to finally get packages readied for return and silliness like that which takes up a heap of energy. Stress is my constant companion. Ugh. I can't share that with her -- besides, it's boring as hell. But, as usual, I digress. I'm talking about my inability to have a conversation with Mom, and her trouble finding any words to put into a sentence to say what she wants to tell me. This is so tough to see her struggle with this -- my grande-master bridge playing, scrabble queen, and NYTimes double-crostic goddess -- it has to be as frustrating for her as it is for me (if not more)...although I have learned to only minimally try to figure out the meaning with her -- then letting it go pretty quickly after that so she doesn't know she's not saying the right words -- or that at least, let her believe that the meaning comes across, even though she isn't saying anything close to the right words to make a sentence.... I want my Mommy. How's that for total regression? I just want to be able to talk on the phone, or have her recall that I visit and I love her and am not abandoning her. Damn.
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