| It was a horrible day today full of grief and guilt and bad health and no respite. We had an official Mother's Day luncheon at HomePlace, me, Kim, Gordy & Mom, on Friday. Not really something to write home about...but it was nice to all be in one place. But, today, Gordy went to his Mom's, andalthouth I hoped to get to mine's, have yet been able to drive round trip without huge exhaustion and my eyes slamming shut -- today was no different. I phoned her twice today. The first to tell her I wasn't going to make it today, the second for me, to apologize for the big picture, and for the lesser one -- when I just couldn't drive today. I bordered on phoning Marilyn...it was that kind of sad. I wan't to do a reverse "snake" and shed my insides instead of my skin. I want relief and less guilt and pain and fear. I need energy and hope. I have none. I would like to have something to boost my outlook on living. Where are those bootstraps when I need to grab 'em, eh?
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