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Listen to Hober

 

Started today on max, 3 hours sleep, and off to the dentist. "Look Ma, no cavities!" (but I did dump core on Catherine, the hygenist...I was wound tight about Mom). I'm feeling a money pinch, so I asked for a recommendation on the Island if I can't stay with Dr Giswold, and he had one name (which I don't know if he's in "the network" or not), a Dr Weismann in Oak Harbor. I hope I can keep Dr G, cuz I like him and his staff, and lovelovelove his wife and co-worker, Sara!

Then a stop at the eye doctor to see if the sample frames came in...I was told they came and left..ugh...but there were the ones from Oak Harbor still there, and I chose one -- majority ruled on this -- I wasn't too sure either way, but I trust Lynn fer sure. I found out that there is a Dr Larsen on Thursday and Friday, and I may be able to do a same day, fit me in, appointment -- so far I have shamefacedly had to cancel 2 due to physical health and exhaustion.

Then off to Payless to buy stuff for Gordy's birthday party tomorrow. No O'Douls for Kim and Doug and moi. Dang -- maybe it will come in tomorrow AM. Cutting it close. I did find a food that both cats LOVE -- it's Dr Weil's brand!!! Good stuff in it, and apparently catlicious too.

I made it home.

I phoned WSH to check on Mom. Melanie just got on and said call later, she wasn't sure. Then I guess she looked at Mom's chart and said Mom ate only a little, and the previous RNs told her that Mom acted up earlier today, so Atavan PRN. Also Mom had pain.

I asked to speak to Mom. I was told to phone a different extension. I rang, Melanie answered, and then Dr Khalighi got on. He told me Mom does not complain of pain to him when asked. She's been sweet etc. He did do the impaction removal the other day, and they sent her to the DDS there who indicated that Mom would not take well to the dentures due to her dementia (Alzheimer's). Everyone hates dentists, and Mom was so good with them, it seems to me that it's worth a shot so she can chew food. She's on Puree, but little appetite, and so Dr K upped the dose of Ensure. I told him that Mom only drank 1/2 can yesterday -- that's the way it was reported. He said he'd make sure Mom has someone with her when meals come to help encourage her to eat.

Then the bomb dropped, and my world fell out.

Mom has anemia, and the Iron Pills haven't helped [Dr K does listen, as we talked, he did change it to liquid Iron so she will take it -- if she refuses her pills, she prolly will take the supplement).

Dr K explained that her blood work has her at 29-30, and that is bad, especially for the elderly. He said he has left orders at E-8 that if it should drop below 29, she is to go via ambulance to Hospital
(they don't have the facilities here) for a transfusion! Shit! And, a scope to see if she's bleeding internally!!! SHITSHITSHIT!!! Since 2/9/06 when she moved to HomePlace, her world has been a total nightmare that has gotten increasingly more painful and we can't wake up!!!

This past 5 weeks at WSH alone (and the MSW and the Doctor is more caring than anywhere else to date, save Mom's regular MDs) she has been:
1. From UGH to WSH, in ambulance 3+ hours.

2. We met her just shortly after her arrival, then later, Dr Phan sends her, due to her extreme pain in her left calf, foot, to St Clare, Ambulance, us following behind, for tests. She was restrained. She had a catheter put in. She had IV, she had blood drawn, she had BP (which really really hurts her for some reason) and injections of Atavan (thankfully I was there to intercede and say, NO HALDOL, and he heard me).

3. We leave after she's sleeping, the tests are taking way too long, so she's transported via Ambulance back to E-1 at WSH, where she stayed asleep, but was awakened and, unbenknowst to me at the time, without her upper teeth!, in a strange room.

4. She's there a while, when she's then sent to a new Ward, new people all over. E-5.

5. Two days later, she is moved again, to E-8!!!

6. When next I see her, she has no Lower teeth either!

7. She's given a meal that she can not possibly ingest -- how long has this been going on? Certainly one would think someone would make the connection - no teeth = no chew? better puree? Gordy and I witness this poor, once proud woman, suck the lettuce leaves for the dressing!!! Two small mouthfuls of hand fed mashed potatoes. Damn. More calls, many people are on vacation.

8. While I was there, I was told Mom can go to the John herself, she's been doing it all day, says Virginia. Well, one time, I went with her -- she was SOILED dammit, and obviously unable to do this herself. Can't anyone think things through? And, they gave her underwear (not hers -- she doesn't wear them) and I'm on the (unclean) floor in the john, trying to help her, and no one listens to her crying out STOP, myself included, not obeying her, we just want to fix it as fast as we can, wipe her butt, add ointment for the rash, change into pull ups, toss the underwear, etc. Poor Mom. The lack of dignity is horrific, and I am adding to this moment. Mom's weak as a kitten, she can't stand. How horrible.

9.That night I phoned, Mom was back up from bed because her roomie was hollering. She was watching TV, and I was told talking to another patient. I am told she looks relaxed, so I don't disturb her with a phone call.

10. Mom has her X-Rays and they see a lot of stool. They manually take it out!!! Painful and degrading, she has so much arthritis that has attacked her whole body. And her skin is so fragile.

11. More blood work, and more medicine she doesn't want, and very little food or Ensure goes into her weakened body. She's starving herself to death, and /or they are helping with their being unaware, or their not being proactive when they see a problem, like no teeth = no food, and telling the MDs so they can do something.

12. Today, the word is she may go for transfusion and see if internal bleeding re: a scope.

WHAT DO I DO NOW? Do I allow this procedure? Is it typical? Will it hurt or help? Can
I be there to hold her hand? Who can I talk to for feedback on my Mom?

I phone whidbey community physician's and Waite is on vacation until Monday, so I get a call back from Andrea. She listens while I cry my heart and ignorance out to her. I end up asking her to ask Dr Knak if this sound like a reasonable thing to do for a dementia Senior. I just get the call that he doesn't feel comfortable, since he doesn't know Mom, going against another MD's orders. SHIT I'm in this alone. I know no one can make the decision for me, but someone has a better clue than I
whether this is prolonging her pain and fear by following "Procedure", or if this can help her have a better quality of life. The internet as no clue -- well actually, a lot of data, just no united reply.

I can't call back east now because it's too late, and, frankly, what could my Aunt Joan say to help me decide? She's as lost as I am, and she has no clue what Mom is like. Jim is in Simsbury, CT at a B&B, but how can he make choices when he has no idea what Mom is like now. He thinks she's the woman he saw in February. And he thought she was bad and frail then; it was a shock to him. He has no idea what frail is. Mom looked and acted and felt amazingly well back then. It was a medicine that didn't allow her to walk well. Taking it away, and she started zipping along again. He has a picture that isn't real. Mom also comprehends most everything she hears. She even remembers some things that I would be sure she'd forget re: stuff that happened earlier that week. She "gets it" that she's sick, that she's on her horrible version of that "date rape pill", only in a disease. She can't impact her universe around her. She can't speak her needs or views or pain. She is on the receiving end of whatever is given to her. How Horrible!!!

Even my dearest Kim can't know what to tell me because I have specifically kept her away from
WSH despite her offer to visit. She shouldn't see Mom like this. The intent has been she'll come back to a private facility, preferable Careage on the Island, and we can spoil her and play catch-up then.

It is unlikely that Mom'll make her 30 days of no "bad behaviour" since every day she wants to be "heard" and have people do what she asks, but she's incapable, so she will get attention by the only means left to her, a shout, or a pinch.

I need her home, and I need someone here to help her. I don't know where to turn to get that, or if it is doable. She can't end her days so far from me, south of Tacoma, and in such an impersonal place, and an ugly place. But, she's currently a ward of the state, and the state hospital is way over there.

F***
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