| Gud Fud = Good News!!!! Today we visited Mom. It was weird, she was sleeping head hanging down, on a couch in front of the big screen TV, and we both didn't recognize her. I was absolutely unsure. I was pretty sure it was the one who was most likely Mom, but with her eyes close, and her head down, and her shoulders hunched, it was very freaky. From the back she looked more like her, but still not her -- her hair isn't her hair so much. Not as vivid white. And not her style as much, methinks they cut it for her. They also cut her fingernails, she admired mine (they are acrylics -- I can't grow 'em at all - break, chip, crack) so I think she regrets not having them. But, back to Mom not looking like Mom. Of course she didn't have any personal clothing, and she was wearing some "Mardi Gras" beads. That hurts, and sort of belittles Mom, but I think the intention was to let her feel festive and the colors were perky and matched her sweatshirt. I remarked on them, and she poo-poo'd them so she knows it ain't high fashion. I sat catty-corner to her couch and said, Gerry? and she looked up...eyes opened wide when she saw me, and I went to kiss her. I told her about the goodies we brought from home. Gordy got us a private room, and we went in and sat. I showed Mom the photos I brought with me, and the top one was Grandma and Grandpa and she said, "My Mom and Dad!" -- so the absolutely knew them. She looked up to top of the page, and she saw her favorite photo of Dad, and she loved it, and rubbed it, and the tears started, although she was pretty dry, methinks dehydrated a bit*. We went through the snaps, and she absolutely knew Joan!!! and rubbed Terri's face and said, "Pretty", and when I said it was Terri, she said, "not a good one of her, she's much prettier"!!! We went through them a few times and then her puree'd meal came in. She drank her entire Ensure!!!! And, thank you Gordy, he tried each puree to identify it, and make her feel safe that it was ok, and no Rx in it, and also, to ease Mom's need to be a hostess and share. The food was ok, but not all good for her, so I brought out the Squash Souffle', and after a meager taste, all of a sudden, recognition, and her eyes lit up and she ate and ate and ate it!!! And she took the other food on the tray and mixed it with it. She ate a lot!!!! And she tried the "goop" and after reassuring her it was prunes, figs et al that Kim made for her, she tasted it and "mmmm", kewl beans, she liked it and did some mixing with it too. But the real hit was the squash. Kim made it too -- and she's hurting physically, has severe pain, and her discs are all askew, and despite it all, she got up early this AM and made it for Mom. She's amazing and so is her honey -- but I thank the powers that be for having Kim in my and Mom's life. What a joy to see Mom eat! Her appetite was stimulated a bit by the goodness of the food, and also, she's prolly been hungry right along, but had nothing that tasted good. I also brought applesauce (organic) and cottage cheese and rice pudding and 3-cheese sauce and her Mocha (which she remembered from last week, because last week she had no clue what it was) and she's eating!!! Oh I hope this lets her put on weight! I hope her iron goes up. Dammitall, we forgot the spinach souffle we bought, but next week we'll bring it, I think I'll cook it before we go so she can eat one, and also, more squash!!! [we always called it "squish" -- it has always been a comfort food for both Mom and myself - especially when my tummy gets hurting] I took a snap. I will put a link to it here later after I set things up. I don't want to post it without the "warning" because although she looks much better than our previous visits, it may be a shock. So link only if you are ok to see the changes.[I decided that Mom would not want people to see her like this after all...I will keep her dignity in check, despite how much better she looked to me, she is still a proud woman, and she wouldn't want people to see her 8/28 ..jlg] It was weird, she was talking about "Jimmy Gillman's house". I don't know where that came from, unless from the photos I brought, and their "titles" on them. I guess she just misses him a lot, and Mary does try to phone weekly. I has asked if Mary had called yet, and she said "yes, ... no, not yet". I'm curious to find out when Mary called to see how accurate Mom's memory is. It won't make or break anything, I'm just curious. Mom did ask the time, so maybe she thought it was time to go to Jim's, or maybe Mary talked about a visit? Or it could be just nothing. It's hard to tell what means what, and what to dig for more information on, or what is just words put together randomly. Oh, yeah, when eating, Mom was so funny and expressive regarding wether she liked something or not. She was "playing the clown", she wanted me to laugh. Mom also was all itchy, so I asked if it was new, seems as if it is to the RNs, so I think percacet is the problem, and maybe vicodin is the way to go, especially now if we can get Mom on daily "goop" and also food in her belly to move her bowels. So, the hope curve is up. I hope this is the start of t-minus 30 days and counting. I told Mom that she has to do a few things to get home:
1. Eat
2. Take her meds, do what the Md says and the Rns
3. Don't hit or pinch She grinned and told me about a fight she did have and how she was sorry. I couldn't get it all, but methinks it was with another patient? or a care-giver vs. a RN. But I told her not to do it so she can come home. We both got teary-eyed about missing eachother when Gordy was out. She also loved the shot of Gordy and Mikey we brought, and she absolutely knew Mikey!!! At one time, she was talking to me about her other daughter Jonni -- I dunno what that was about because she knew I was her daughter Jonni. I imagine that it could be one of those things where she can't focus on the memory when she's seeing me in front of her, so she substitutes the other individual with what is readily available to her, i.e. me. We also had a talk about her dentures, and I hope that we can have new ones made and see if Mom can try. I'm willing to pay for them if it will mean a chance at her being able to eat other foods, and to speak more clearly. I love my Mom to bits and pieces.
Kim worked a miracle today with her gracious gift of self and food despite her hurting so badly.
Gordy did good as food-tester and making Mom feel safe, and also feel the hostess. She still gets very tired easily, but hopefully next week after some gud fud, she'll have more energy? I love her so much, every day she's so far away is excrutiating and sad beyond the scope of words.
Mom please feel my heart. I treasure our time together, and that she still thinks I'm beautiful, she actually says that, and she holds my hand to kiss it, and I kiss her and hug her and she hugs back, hard as she is able, we still connect, but she sees me, still, through rose colored "mommy" glasses? wow! I'll take it with a full heart.
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*8/28: Today, I think that maybe the tears were about her seeing her Mom and Dad and other people like my Dad was a confusion at first; I think she felt they were visiting her until I broke the spell by talking about the other photos, and flipping the pages, 20-20 hindsight, I wish I didn't break the spell, next time I will be more careful....
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