| For some bozo reason, the Intel version of Mac using Camino as the browser doesn't work right on some site where I enter data. It drives me crazy!!! Including today. I have been trying all day to get a letter off to Oprah, a follow up, and kept getting an error message. Of course My need for Mom brings on this desire to be a "Squeeky wheel" and write Oprah again, and there is stress involved, and no sleep for a long while, multiple days, and not even full pills can get me to sleep, so I'm getting more hurty and more tired and cranky, and so, voila, today I have a tummy upset, methinks a possible Hospital N/G tube type looming. I also got really stressed and miffed when lack of sleep made me unable to attend the HLCC meeting, and Gordy went in my stead. To my distress, he didn't read the letter I asked him to read at the onset of the meeting. I just really really wanted to be HEARD!!! He promised. He proofed it when I wrote it. I thought it was a done deal...nope, not so. He didn't read it. Well, I ended up firing it off to two of the people on the board, and it loses it's impact that way, especially since the meeting is a fait accompli, but they read it and said not to worry, those issues were addressed. Well, that isn't the point really. I really wanted to be HEARD...to have my words CONSIDERED not dismissed. Too much in my life do I have to "shout" or do some hurculean action to get something of import to me actually listened to, or not dismissed out of hand, or taken seriously. Prime example is starting with HomePlace not listening to my info about Mom and her medicine. I ended up speaking with Kathy, 3 weeks later than the initiated time, and then we were already on take II Gerry returns, amped up on meds because of the HOSPITAL in Sedro-Woolley dismissing me and what I know out of hand, which then exacerbated things so when Mom was back in HomePlace, she was not herself because of the type of medicine, because I TOLD THEM she did badly with EFFEXOR, heck, her issues were fear, anxiety not depression, and not choosing to take medicine, nor being happy when it was laced in her food, to trick her, but her palate was keen, so she dumped her juice in the sink, or her toast that was laced etc etc. What is wrong that no one listens? I am losing it. I have good things to say of import about life, work, art, politics and my health and my Mother's health etc etc ad nauseum...but no one listens -- truly, they do not -- and to top it off, Gordy chose to not listen to what I asked, and chose to not read it for a multitude of logical reasons, but that isn't why I wanted it read, I wanted a voice, and also, it begged an exception to HLCC, to let Gordy vote in my stead, which was never requested, since he didn't read it, it wasn't asked...and o bla di, o bla da....and then the stupid browser not getting my message to Oprah because it is Camino on Intel Mac, not Camino by itself. And, BTW, at the Applestore, the Genius counter, HE didn't listen...he talked over me -- he had HIS agenda, and it wasn't to help me out with my questions, or make it comprehensible for me, for me to understand, he spoke and rode right over me, and I was getting jerked around, so I called Gordy over before I blew a gasket -- they spoke, I was dismissed, and the stress keeps on coming, the bloat keeps on adding and the tum keeps on failing me, where, right now, I have found myself back in the place where ER is a possible future, and I am determined to slip through this future, if, IF I can get soothed some, my stomach stop roiling and whoopsing, and it debloats, and settles in and relaxes............oh man, I choose so NOT to return to ER and WGH and N/G tubes and yet another day /nay week, without seeing Mom. I'm hoping against hope here....toes and fingers crossed...wish me luck and rest...thank you!
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