| A visit with Mom today. I left feeling very odd and blue today. On the plus side, she glommed the "squish" down with gusto, and ate the spinach, and even my first attempt at Noodle Kugel. I couldn't find a recipe among my inherited box (that Mom culled in a big way during her "clean her nest phase") of recipes, so I looked on line. The one I tried was way too sweet for my palate. But I have another one to try for next week's delivery. She looked way too thin. She had bags under her eyes, and was very drawn. I know it can be tough to discern with her teeth missing, but I have seen her multiple times without teeth, and she looked dehydrated, thin, and exhausted. She also seemed on the "hyper" side to me. Talking to fill in any silence. Unfortunately, her language skills still are terrible. I can't usually follow what she's talking about, but will fish by asking questions that may, or may not, relate and cue her to make sense. With the days getting way shorter, Mom has been effected by it. When we went to leave, she said, "You're not leaving me alone are you?" which we said no, Melanie is with you. This was her first old tape re: fear of being alone in a long while. She also seems to have had a reaction to her medicine, or maybe just being in unclean "depends", as she was in agony trying to scratch herself -- she probably has a yeast infection. I told Melanie as we were heading out. Poor Mom. It is something that she could never say in words, she doesn't have the vocabulary, but, when I observed her scratching, then I could ask, and she could understand, and confirm or negate my inquiry. No matter how good they are there, if she isn't being observed closely, 24x7, things like this can be missed, and it will ultimately translate into "bad behaviour" because she feels so uncomfortable. Any woman who has experienced a yeast infection, *knows* how it can make a person quite unpleasant to be around. Damn, she needs to be home, and nearby. I also am in a very scary space in my life, and am quite exhausted. I can't seem to rally since the hospital stay. And the guilts are running rampant as well. And, I'm tired of my life. I am so beat down again, and it's so hard to rally. I'm doing the one foot in front of another not necessarily having any direction in sight. BTW, I am listening to the greenstone station I wrote about in the previous post, and it's not what I was expecting, it's kind of "light" and this show, the Radio Rita's, sound like a take off of the Howard Stern show, but they both are "Robin Quivvers"...and I'm not enjoying it so much. But this is just one of many shows, and they're just finding their "Voice". I won't write it off yet. So, time to sign off for now.
It's Yom Kippur, and I wish you all an easy fast. Pax, peace, paix, shalom!
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