| We saw Mom today and just as we turned right into the entrance to the Western State hospital Campus, my heart started pounding and revving up in a major way. I was so afraid to visit. I am not sure why. Before we left, I made "american spaghetti" which was always a "comfort food" chez Gillman's. It is your basic capellini pasta, with cheeze whiz and tomato sauce. Simple. I added some spinich leaves, tomatoes and asparagus on top w/butter as I put in on broil to crisp up the top, but it's truly very simple. To my delight, Mom really dug into it. She even took it off of my plate LOL. I'm not sure why, but I let her. We all eat together and it makes a difference. I brought bright napkins, and served us all and kept the containes off. She enjoyed it a lot. Of course, when she saw me in our "room" she immediately broke down in tears. She was also noticably hunched over some. But she was being "strong". She mentioned missing Dad today. She also spoke about Jim and missing him too. Gordy has sort of become her "everyman". She always seems to know he's "Gordy", but she'll still refer to him as "Papa" [which was Ray's /Dad's most recent moniker post grandkids; Gregg and Andrew], or Jay, or "him" or James or ... and gets a warm feeling when he smiles at her or hugs her or takes her hand. She feels definitely secure -- she dotes on him, offering him the food off her plate, etc.. She also knows he's my fiance during all this too. But she tells us that she just loves us and feels so good to have us in her life. Wow. She also continues to know who I am. I'm blessed that she does. She also compliments me all the time. And today, when I told her she was beautiful, she said "that's because you love me, and I love you". So she still has her brains in gear after all. Mom also was trying to make me feel ok again about her being there. She's "talk" about things that go wrong, but will ultimately comment that it ends up resolving somehow, and she's ok here. I don't know how she stays there and doesn't go totally coo-coo. But, she digs deep I guess and manages. There was a lot of activity tonight, lots of residents walking with the caregivers. Maybe it's spring fever hitting everyone, and the days are staying light longer too. But it was very active as we looked out the windows of our meeting room. The people who work there are all very very kind and nice. They care so much about their wards, and I know Mom is a handful, but they laugh at what goes on with her with us and with Mom, so that's good. Today Mom was doing a lot of joking around, and teasing. She's being very playful in an intelligent way, but she doesn't have the words. It has to be so hard for her, and I have no idea on how to make that "Better". We talked about Gordy's dental work, and when I mentioned he had an appointment tomorrow for more extractions, she said with deep concern, as she reached out to him, "Oh Dear!" and she continued to talk about her 12 [teeth] that she had removed voluntarily, and made motions as if putting her uppers on, and said it was "heavy" and she truly felt for Gordy. Mom is so "in there". I wish I could understand her for HER sake, it is truly a "No Exit" situation, a hell on earth for my Mom. I have to get cracking and write a note for the folks about what I have observed of late and see if my observations can fire off some grey cells in the MD's collective brains and they find a new way to help her. In passing, I mentioned I had to go home and feed the cats, and she smiled a smile of apparent recognition, I think this time she knew and could visualize them. It was a very familiar and loving smile she gave, it felt truly right. I miss her so much. I miss my Dad, and it's his birthday today. I did see one eagle, so maybe he sent a "messenger" around to let me know he's ok? The things a person does to try to stay connected to their loved ones, eh? . We have to shovel out the mess in the house, and I have to catch up on the bills, and correspondence, and we have to get ready for Miz Robyn's visit! I can not wait to see her. I wish we could take Gerry to a neutral place so she could enjoy Robyn, but, to be honest, I don't think that would even insulate Robyn enough since Mom's language is so poor, and without her teeth, well she looks weird. So I guess it's just as well this time they dont' hook up. One of the residents there, the tall young guy who used to only scream, must have had a set back, because although he doesn't scream as frequently as when I first saw him [he was admitted the same day Mom was], he has started to scream again after a long period of quiet. He also had to be hand in hand with a caregiver all the time waking around, and he must have been medicated intensely, as he was drooling as he walked around. Oh Mom.. you are so brave. I mentioned Poppy and how Mac used to color both of their hair the same color, and she recognized the names and situation. I just found out today that they do have someone to cut their hair on Fridays, so they will set it up for her. I told them to keep it youthful, no "old lady hair" and they told me that there is a woman who works days who isn't trained to work with hair, but she usually curls people's hair. I said "Please, no curlers for Mom, she likes a young hair cut". We will see whether they do it right. Mom has great hair, so it has to be truly cut wrong for it to look bad -- my toes and fingers are crossed that they do a good job. I'm rambling and it's late. I guess I'll do a quick looksee to maybe find a photo to post. BBIAB.
Got one:
ECU of Zach -- my guy ...
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