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Right now they are showing a "group" and I never was a "group" kinda gal, and this support group just "validating" isn't so swell, I feel such the failure with Mom's care, and alone and sad to boot. I just with I could create that twinkle that is so Gerry.

She's so lonely, and I can't be there for her phsycally still.

I have huge "empathy" whether it's what she's honestly feeling or not, but we're pretty close, one of my "issues" growing up -- separating us -- so I think I may be more right than wrong in what she's feeling. Add her crying phase of late, and her worse walking 'cuz of the Rx impacting her walking.

They just came up with some "got my gut" experiences with Mom, re: "combatative" behaviour, rummaging, hiding things, crying out, etc...shit...poor Mama, she can't help herself, how do I make her feel safe again?

Damnitall.
so sad to watch...so effing sad! So true, talk of giving Mom a bath, and "creative white lies" and, of course, keep a sense of humor.

So scary, so sad. I love her, and if love could make it all better, she would be happy and joyful and Gerry.

..now they're talking about the "final stage" and "letting go", and there could be some good feelings of worth the "caregiver" could have. No effing way for me. I want her here, I want her alive and Mom.
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Later...

They just said your can order this from wfwa.org if you want, here's their synopsis about this program [FWIW, there's a good chance you may be able to rent it from your local library]. 20-20 Hindsight, if I had this early on, I may have done things differently, and with a greater knowledge that the books didn't offer me -- but, then again, maybe not?:

PBS39's documentary special, EXPECTATIONS: LIVING WITH ALZHEIMER’S DISEASE, profiles how families and caregivers cope and adapt and care for loved ones with Alzheimer’s Disease.

This documentary has been released for airing to public television stations nationwide through NETA (the National Educational Telecommunications Association).

While the effects of Alzheimer’s Disease are clear in very broad scientific terms and treatments and research have greatly improved, Alzheimer’s Disease remains a disease that people cannot fathom striking them; it always happens “to someone else.” Even so, with all the awareness that has been built around the general effects of the disease on those who have it, one facet of the total picture painted by Alzheimer’s Disease remains unexplored: its effect on the families and caregivers of Alzheimer’s patients.

EXPECTATIONS: LIVING WITH ALZHEIMER’S DISEASE, takes an intimate, poignant look at the other people affected by Alzheimer’s Disease – family members, caregivers and patients in early stages — as they navigate and experience the current continuum of care for Alzheimer’s Disease.

Offering viewers the chance to learn about the warning signs of Alzheimer’s Disease and tips on how to cope with a loved one who may become, or may be afflicted, EXPECTATIONS: LIVING WITH ALZHEIMER’S DISEASE takes you into their world, illustrating through their stories the problems they have faced, the obstacles they have overcome and the creative and compassionate solutions and resources they have been able to utilize during this experience.

During EXPECTATIONS: LIVING WITH ALZHEIMER’S DISEASE, you’ll meet:

• Gary: In his late 40s, he was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s Disease. While his wife refused to talk about it and deal with the diagnosis, Gary has focused on squeezing every last drop out of life, maintaining a vigorous lifestyle one day at a time — all while facing the uncertainty of when the disease will advance and change the lives around him.

• Mary: An attorney specializing in Elder Law, Mary also cares for her mother — an Alzheimer’s patient. She provides detail and insight on the legal and personal lessons people should prepare for.

• Dick: Happily retired, the world of he and his wife, Phyllis, was turned upside-down when she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease. Viewers will hear about Dick’s emotional journey from retiree to caregiver for his wife, and also how he was able to accept a transition from total home care to adult day care and beyond.

• The Caregivers: From counselors to experts and Alzheimer's caregivers, you’ll hear stories of creative compassion and uncommon sense in the face of grim odds. These individuals also offer tips on how best to decide when the time is right to make critical decisions, and suggestions on how people can find help within their local community.

At once informative, touching and dramatic, EXPECTATIONS: LIVING WITH ALZHEIMER’S DISEASE is a documentary from PBS39 that offers viewers the hope that if they or a loved one becomes diagnosed, the journey they face for the future will not be traveled alone.
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