| It just seems coo-coo to have pain externally and in my heart be so relentless. I just can't close the wound in my heart. There has to be a way to feel better and to let me have hope and /or embrace the future, the moment? I feel like I'm a "throw away"...not worth much if anything at all. I know it has to come from within, but it is lost right now, and I can't seem to find a kernel called "me", that nugget of ego that I could draw from or build on. There have been interactions among my love, and others, that have hurt me to the quick, and with an already broken heart, well anything is way more hurtful and damaging than it would if things were more typical. So, I seem to be losing my sense of self, and my strength and tenacity, and my creativity and brains, and my sense of humor and ability to feel love. I don't know just how to get out of this place. It is so debilitating and exhausting. Well, one step in front of the other, right? right!
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