I hope I didn't "break" the run of no ERtummy trips....send healing light y'all.

Also, Miz Olivia has been growling a lot of late. It had calmed down a bit, after starting with our baby boychik moving in, but she's almost nonstop, and I fear it's not just stress, but maybe possibly pain. Si methinks it will be a vet trip in her future. Please send healing light her way, 'smatter o' fact, if you have to choose where to send it, then please send it to my little girl-cat.

I've been going through personal meltdowns of late, prolly the huge pain all over, and the lack of energy, and the hopeless feelings regarding failure and a dismal outlook no matter how hard I try to get to point b from point a; my current state of body, mind, soul and spirit.

I didn't write about my last visit to Mom. She was in such agony, and she didn't eat, and she was very disoriented. One time she did know me, she had fallen asleep at the table, and I held her hand. She roused from sleep, and groans in her sleep, and upon feeling my hand, and her following it to my face, she perked up, and seemed to have said she was happy that she had been dreaming of me there, and voila, I really was there, so she smiled, cried some, and kissed and kissed and kissed little butterfly kisses my hand, and then allowed a hug and a kiss from me. But even that caused pain for her.

She loved seeing Gordy each time she aroused herself from sleep, even though she was in pain, and barely ate. We did get her to down her meds though. But she was in pain, and her pain was so horrible to witness. I started to lose it at the nurses station, but was encouraged by the caregiver who talked to me some, as she, too, has fallen in love with Mom. They do care, and they do think Mom is special and enjoy her.

Mom always has been a charmer and shmoozer and had an amazing blue twinkling eyes, and also an innate joi de vivre. She is surviving because of her, not anything I am able to offer her. She's amazing.

I'm going to nurse my pain now, and drink tea and nibble on dry toast. Maybe fall asleep? Hope hope, escapism is good.
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