| And I thought things were tough before... no one can prepare a person for each step of this insidious disease, and the responsibility that is impressed on the DPOA [durable power of attorney aka moi for Mom]. The past few weeks has been pure hell; one crisis after another with little to no breathing room. I can only thank the powers that be that Mom's journey has brought her into the care of some wonderful and amazing people at WSH, specifically Ward E-8. They are perceptive, and caring, and have absolutely fallen under Mom's charm. Mom's survival methods have done her well, even throughout this horrible ordeal where so many pieces of her have been suppressed and repressed and eaten away. Mom's survival mode is the way she combines the pieces parts of her that are brilliant, smart, savvy, intuitive, orderly, her physical beauty, her zest for life, her ability to make people feel good about themselves [..my what amazing skin you have...], her bursts of anger coupled with it blowing over just as quickly and forgotten by her [I would hang on the the echoes of her scathing tongue or loudness.. but that is MY issue, not hers], and her fear blanketed by her pacing, her shmoozing, her being "cruise director", her love of life and observing people. These qualities translate to a vital, funny, woman, who doesn't complain lightly, and her beauty - dang, she's 83 and toothless, no makeup, no hair style per se, and she's estimated to be 70! And 70 is prolly the new 50's. Her wanting to be clean about her person, and wanting to have order and cleanliness surrounding her also speaks to her living in the present, and not defeated, nor aware she has reason to be. Whenever I phone, they go on and on about Mom's virtues, and how they enjoy her. They also speak to the fact that if it's quiet, they all immediately ask "Where's Gerry" and seek her out. If she's too quiet and sleepy, it means Mom is not well, and they work with her to figure it out. They are tireless in trying to make her comfortable. If she yells, they know she's frustrated at not being understood, and that she probably is in pain, or has some basic need that has to be tended to. They love that Mom "hugs back". They enjoy her teasing them, and they tease her right back. They laugh at her "jokes" and sense of humor, and they like to be with her. Mom clearly believes she's "the boss" and despite the outbursts, and trouble she may stir up, they embrace all of her, and can't wait until she is laughing and happy again by their figuring out what caused her distress. Mom is charming, funny, alive, and loving. And these people appreciate what she has to offer. At the private facility she was in, they wanted "sheep", quiet sheep that were seen, maybe, and definitely not heard. Not so here at WSH. They embrace all that Mom is, and understand the intricacies and various "monkey wrenches" alzheimer's throws her way. I had noticed 2 visits ago that they appeared to truly have Mom's meds pretty level so that her pain was minimal, and her mood pretty level, and her ability to walk still strong, with just a few tremors, or the occasional slip and fall. But now, with the onset of not only the Pneumonia, and it's continuation, her very very swollen lower legs and feet, and the fluid not leaving one of her lungs, despite the additional round of 2 different, concurrent, dosages of antibiotics, and what they found in her most recent blood draw, they are goig to have to mess with her current medicine and dosages. The latest blood work found that there may have been a heart episode. The fluid in her lung may also be from the pnemonia, congestive heart failure, or even cancer. They will be taking more blood tomorrow. They have talked to me about her going to the hospital. This scares me for many reasons. WSH, is mostly geared towards mental health, hence, Alzheimer's and dementia patients. Therefore, many procedures must be done outside WSH. Thus talking about her going to another hospital for some assorted procedures. This falls to my discretion as DPOA, and will also get them off the hook for any liability issues down the road. So, I have to research them myself, and ask for many opinions of the staff, beyond the MD, to try to get a broad picture, as well as a very accurate look at the pros and cons. Peeling through the layers is not an easy task. Asking the right questions, balancing what I might instinctively do, v. what Mom may want. To speak for her is so hard--Mom is a complicated woman even before the disease invaded her body and mind. Her life is literally in my hands, as is the future quality of life. There was another attempt by the physician at WSH to reach me to talk about her going to a different hospital for 2 very different procedures. We spoke today, and he didn't want to commit, and he couldn't answer the questions I needed to be answered so I could make a more sound and reasoned choice. I phoned and left a message with the Social Worker who, after my going over it with him a few times, finally understood the dilemma I was having, and the seemingly contradicting things he was telling me about the procedures and what it the ramifications might be. He was sort of a "moving target", and I was not satisfied with the answers I got. He, also became frustrated, and tried to push choices before I had the data I needed to give him a specific answer. Also there were discrepencies with the information I was getting form different people that work there. One person said that he suggests, since he tends to err on the side of caution, I be there, now, with Mom, intimating her time is very short now, until he learned I saw her a few days ago, and then he said, well, sure, you can wait until you come this weekend as planned -- that Mom actually was perkier this afternoon, and walking around. A truly scary and mixed message. Someone else said, with vehemence, "you don't want to torture this poor woman do you" regarding doing a procedure that he was recommending, indicating that if we did it, it would "torture" her. When I speak with the other people, the ones that see her regularly, and work with her, they indicate that the urgency isn't as bad as it may have sounded, and assured me that they absolutely would let me know if, or when, Mom's health started to fail quickly, so I could be with her. So that was reassuring, as another person indicated that it had to be stated. Another mini roller-coaster calmed somewhat, when I spoke to another person who is with Mom quite frequently, when I ran my thinking about the procedures and my understanding of them, and my approach to reconciling what is best for Mom, when she affirmed that what I told her is well reasoned and sound <*phew*>! So, tomorrow I should be talking to the doctor again, and hopefully I will have the information I need, and can make a choice that would reflect what Mom would have wanted, and I can live with, and know that I did all I could do to reach my decision. I hope and pray that Mom is comfortable as she can be emotionally, spiritually, physically, and that my actions may even elevate her health and comfort. I love her so very much. Again, I am trolling for good vibes and healing for Mom, and wisdom for myself. [posted without re-reading and /or editing - sorry in advance ..]
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