| Another visit with Mom, we left earlier than usual, and this may have to do with our visit, but Mom was speaking in a more "low level" way. By that I mean that she was speaking more similarly to what we're used to, almost sentences instead of inappropriate words that are combined together and don't make sense. As we were let in from the locked door [it's a closed facility], when I asked how Mom was doing, the reply was "She is Gerry!" which means that she was back to the "cruise director" mode-- bossing folks around and "helping". That was brilliant news. Mom recognized me immediately, no names, but absolutely her daughter she loved. She saw Gordy and was psyched to see him, 'smatter o' fact, she was very loving verbally and physically with him, hand holding and complimenting him. So it was a good visit. Of course, on the ride home, my mood just dropped into despair. The blues weighed me down, and I felt so sad. I am not sure about what was dragging me down so hard and heavy like that. There is so many things going on in my life, and within my core of my loved ones, from healthstuff, to great job advances, but that doesn't "hit the spot". I sometimes think it's because when I visit Mom, I never know how she'll be, and what I am able to do to be her advocate, but that's not it, but it is a bit closer. And then there's my challenges that I've been trying to attack with vigor, but that isn't all of it, as I had some hope again, so I don't know why it vanished, except that some times, like today, the pain is huge, and I have to cave and take a pain pill. Suffice that things are not happy for me, I feel overwhelmed and sad. BUT, Mom was doing better, and I'm thrilled. There has been some chat about Mom being discharged, so I wrote a letter to her "team" and requested that they try Careage, and offered some guidelines in contacting them which would maybe swing their answer to say yes this time. But, that is truly way too soon, but the word was put out there, and if Mom could be nearby it would be fabulous. So, no jinxing here, just hoping hoping.
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