| One more quickie post about a huge gestalt, well, maybe not the definitive "aha" moment, but damn close, that I experienced with Marilyn today. While we were chatting, and me trying to catch her up on a lot of things (she had been gone for a couple weeks to NYC ) I brought up something very important to me, about a specific fear that I did something very wrong despite the best of intentions. Marilyn reitertated that historically I had learned from Mom (with Dad's support) that my raison d'etre was to try to make my Mom's world "right" all my life [a wee message Mom had managed to teach me ]. Ultimately, this lesson she taught me, and because of my "sensitivity to same", I constantly work to "Do No Harm"...ding ding ding - fireworks, lights flashing, jackpot, wacka-wacka etc ad nauseum... -->well, dang, that is precisely *IT*. I so urgently want to walk through this life without hurting ANYONE ever - never ever effing ever! That I may hurt people in the future, and even have hurt them in the past, well, it kills and gnaws at me until I can't stand myself.
Wow. Since "do no harm" is also the basis of the oath for medical professionals..., well, it just adds that extra ironic twist and dimension to the words which makes it even more resonant and special for me. It is so the force that drives so many of my actions, and also is also what hurts me to the quick when I question if that mission was actually accomplished. I truly can't bear thinking that I may actually hurt the delicate souls in my life - even if it was unintentional...bottom line, it's hard to be me - often I want to just crawl out of my own skin, this time not from the physical pain. Curiouser and curiouser. Gestalt in processing progress -- time to mungilate on it some more. It really was a major whammy for me. After our session, I went to bed to "read" but ended up losing the day to the sleep of the dead -- I was wiped from the revelation, and, truth be known, having Marilyn home again (jiggity jig) allowed me to "let go" and not have such a tight control on my feelings that I had unconsciously done in her absence in hopes of keeping myself together. Phew. Do No Harm
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