| Kind of a post of free-association today to try to play some catch up. It's been a tough coupla weeks, but not without some humor and love too. Bob dying truly threw me -- subsequently, I've not been getting much sleep, which exacerbates everything else, including how to handle things that may not be so hard otherwise. Grieving is tough stuff. But that's life. I've been in a huge fibro-flare. I actually forgot just how much it hurts.. ouch! Having been on opiates (thank god /dess I'm finally off them), and having focused so much on the stomach issues and acute pain, truly made me numb to the debilitation of FMS. Along with that, the hands, the carpal tunnel syndrome has been resurfacing in a big way. Someone told me once that a body can't concentrate on multiple #10 (on a scale from 1-10 with 10 the worse) pain, that it only feels one of them. I didn't believe then, but I do now . I'm totally crumple inward like an old crone. I have a lot of work ahead of me to work through the pain and get it livable. I'm lucky to have some really really good healing support currently in my life. Katie is getting a dachshund next week and that will be very very wonderful. We all miss Brody, and this is his Dad. Very kewl. Mikey has been coming weekly to visit, and mostly to spend time with Papa (Gordy) and do a mano a mano thing. I get to come interrupt and get hugs and laugh and the news. Good stuff. Mom has been in a lot of pain of late, and there have been a lot of calls between me and the doctors at WSH. I still need to follow up with her shrink to make sure she's off Zyprexa. I had fought it initially due to elderly warnings, and now there is a lot of bru-haha and lawsuits and other nasties to support my initial concern. I'm visiting Mom today and will maybe get a chance to talk face to face. The transmission was totally rebuilt and other arcane expensive things done to Mom and Dad's toyota, but it's worth it for 1. the "smell things" and 2. hopefully another 100k miles. I've been doing facebook of late and have reconnected with some very wonderful people from my past that I had lost touch with. We don't talk a real lot - but we can see each other's notations and photos and day to day life activities by visiting the sites. It's not deep (necessarily) but it's a way to touch base and catch up. Love the surprises of new people found! Major blues and woes and hoops to traverse as the saga unfolds to try to find a place for Mom to live. I had mentioned before that due to a 13million dollar budget cut at WSH and a new Director, they have decided to de-certify any and all people that "can't get better" like the elderly and alzheimer's patient wards, so Mom has been in the queue for a while now to be placed. They are under pressure to just get her out, and are pushing places that are far away, not right for her in my opinion, and specifically they push AFH. Mom can't do well in an adult family home, she needs skilled nursing. But, most places will not even visit with, and then consider her because of 2 major issues:
1. Medicaid - they say they take medicaid patients, but the truth is, like with Homeplace, they actually reserve those beds for the residents who have been there paying OOP for 18 - 36 months. I can not pay that or, if allowed, even supplement that.
2. The stigma of having been at WSH. It is so out of whack with reality, but the stigma exists. If you've been reading my blog for a while, you know that due to understaffing and some policy issues the private facility had, Mom got into "the system" and ultimately evolved into a state of emotional and physical mania. The interim 2 week facility changed her meds DAILY because they said they could monitor her. Well anyone knows that most meds do not have a 1/2 life of 0, so she was essentially put on meds before others were out of her system. And contra-indicated ones and also side effects begat side effects and behaviours that were out of control. AND, to top it off, the care was not that good, or the watch that close, because of falls she had, and the horror of when I went to the john with her because no one else could, and I went to help change her, and saw dried feces stuck her her bum -- that is not healthy, and certainly painful. So it was truly WSH that got Mom back into a reasonable way of life and health. I will not reiterate what that was like, day one of admittance, but it's in the blog here - you can do a search if you want to. WSH has done wonders for her and her care. But, she still has had falls, we still consult and adjust her meds, she still has outbursts from pain and fear, and she still has alzheimer's which inherently causes emotional and physical pain. It is so important that I get Mom into a good place, preferably one closer to me so it doesn't take 3 hrs to get there, and I don't depend on Gordy to drive me, and one that she'll be able to get established in, and comfortable in, and no more shocks of change, or the need to find more than one set of doctors for her care. Her case is so complicated that it will be tough to get people caught up on her case and in sync with my choices. Olivia gave us a scare healthwise, but she is well now! Zach and Val are still fabulous. Val has had a recent growth spurt and he's looking more like the Desert Lynx he is, but he's still a doll. There is more family news to report, but I will do that in another post. This has gone longer than anticipated (we know I don't write "quickies") and I must get myself & food ready for the visit to Mom. Peace
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