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We salute the Grammy nomination of the late great Dave Van Ronk's final concert album:
". . . and the tin pan bended and the story ended . . ."

CONGRATULATIONS! Watch the 47th Grammy's and look for DVR's Wife and Producer, Andrea Vuocolo Vanronk, and our beloved Christine Lavin [who helped edit it]
February 13, 2005 8PM on CBS.

click here
William Valdez is our Son-in-Law Extrodinaire.
You can support our troops via this site, and support William, personally, if you wish. His TFT ID is 1862195
Thank you!

Listen to Hober

US Faces of the Fallen:

•US Fatalities in Iraq

•US Fatalities; "Operation Enduring Freedom"

 

From John Kerry

Every day as I travel around the country, I'm thinking about our soldiers in Iraq, Afghanistan, and around the world. In times of peace, but especially in times of war, a tour of duty is hard; you spend months away from your family and friends in countries thousands of miles away, performing one of the most dangerous jobs on earth.

In Vietnam, I learned about the promises that soldiers make to each other; the meaning of leadership; the dangers of a government that is not accountable; and the knowledge of what the costs of war are for the individual soldiers, their families, and our country. We can never let politics get in the way of what is best for our troops. We have to always put the life of a private on the battlefield, the sailor on a patrol, or the airman in the belly of a plane first.

We need to make a commitment that we will never leave our veterans behind and must do our part to care for those who have faced the horrors of battle. This is not only about keeping our nation's promises; but about honoring those who defend it.

Our military must be second to none; our troops must be taken care of when sent into harm's way, and when we bring them home, they should be given the respect they're due. My Dad taught me these lessons when he served in the Army Air Corps during World War II.

The Greatest Generation is passing on their torch and their sacrifice will live as long as freedom does. I remember my father and thank those who are still here for their service.

No matter how we feel about our current conflict in Iraq, no matter how critical we are of our efforts to win the peace, this Memorial Day we must have one priority: supporting our troops so they can accomplish their mission and return home as soon as possible. Those who put their lives on the line for their country deserve our support, admiration, and respect.

Today we honor all soldiers past and present who have risked their lives for our country and the values of freedom and liberty we represent. We owe them a debt of gratitude no words can possibly express.

Sincerely,

 05:52 PM - link -    

Dang, I read the headline from my CNN email to learn David Dellinger, one of the Chicago Seven, has died at age 88 ! Perspective and time makes for strange bedfellows.

I clearly recall, when I was in High School, and on the Student Council, some of us tried to have the council donate /delegate some of our school funds to help the Chicaco Seven!

Rest in Peace David

DAVID DELLINGER, ONE OF THE CHICAGO SEVEN, DIES

Peace activist David Dellinger, one of the Chicago Seven arrested and tried
for their part in the violent anti-war protests outside the 1968 Democratic
National Convention, has died at 88. more...

 05:44 PM - link -    

Gore spoke at NYU, and what he has to say is all too truthful for comfort no matter what party a person supports:

"Bad Day at Black Rock" yesterday. For those of you who are not sure why I capitalized & quoted the first 5 words, it's because despite it being true for me, it is also the title of a WONDERFUL film with Spencer Tracy. Check it out of your local DVD and Video store and watch it some time...and Amazon had the VHS version, but the DVD is yet to be released.

As usual I digress. Yesterday was a "breakthrough pain" day. I had to take my Stadol...and I was crying to Gordy because I really didn't want to take it, it meant pure and utter failure to me. It symbolized my weakness and inability to pull myself up by my bootstraps (courtesy of my Father) or keep my chins up (courtesy of my Great Aunt Anna) and could not tough it out, and wait to see if I tossed my proverbial cookies and ended up at WGH for pain meds or not.

Dr Waite says when I talk about my abdomnial mess, that I use "capital letters" referring to "The Pain". I was horribly hurt when he said that, I assumed that he was negatively judging me, and at that moment I went into defense mode, and was inarticulate to the nth degree.

Well, I think he's right in retrospect. I do capitalize it, it is what I'm afraid of. The Medical folk have yet been able to label what's wrong, after extensive poking, prodding, MRI's and x-rays, and tests that watched me swallow nasty stuff, or prep before a test swallowing a different set of nasty stuff, and get IV's, and heart EKG's, and different Rx du jour, and NG tubes (for the uninitiated, [close your eyes if you're squeamish, and come back to the next bunch of elipses and paragraph to continue reading] that's a plastic tube that they feed down your nose and throat into your stomach to suck out bile, air, or whatever is there)...

...and ultra sound, and of course, surgery taking out my gall bladder, and endoscopy and colonoscopy, and more x-rays ad infinitum.

I've been to multiple MDs, and ERs and GI specialists, and gone through psyche testing (tells you where they were looking) been called an addict, and treated with zero dignity, been to a pain clinic and still they have yet to name what disease I have.

So, yes, until they come up with a moniker, it will be "the Pain" that frightens me. A solid 8 months of pain with no name earns me the right to be fearful ot "the Pain".

Therefore, when yesterday forced me back to a place in my memory about the pain and all the medical abuse that goes along with it, I was scared shi**less to fall back into that cycle again.

Eventually I took the Rx, and not long after, I woke up with a killer pain in my arm, and noticed that I had dropped off to sleep on the laptop LOL and I didn't even look to see if the laptop also made deep impressions in my face and forehead. That stadol can be powerful stuff -- it doesn't really touch the pain per se, but it makes you (I should qualify that this is how it affect ME) sleep and become dizzy and walk unsteadily, and be foggy and not concentrate on the abdominal pain, but on this weird feeling the medicine gives me.

The pain started out left of center, but later that night, it recurred right of center.

This AM, I'm not totally without pain, and my fibro lower back pain is yelling at me, but I can handle it again.

Definitely "Bad Day at Black Rock" yesterday!

 01:27 PM - link -    

So where do I sign up already? The following is from Infobeat News:

Nader calls for Bush's impeachment
Tuesday, May 25

NEW YORK, May 25, 2004 (United Press International via COMTEX) -- Independent presidential candidate Ralph Nader called President George W. Bush a "messianic militarist" and said he should be impeached.

Nader, speaking at the Council on Foreign Relations in New York Monday, said Bush should be impeached for taking the country to war on false pretences, the New York Times reported.

"The founding fathers did not want the declaration of war put in the hands of one man," he said, adding that Bush's acts amount to "high crimes and misdemeanors."

Nader demanded Bush, who talks "like an out-of-control West Texas sheriff," set a specific date to withdraw U.S. troops from Iraq this year.

"To say that President Bush has exaggerated the threat of al-Qaida is to trip into a political hornets' nest," but it is now time to raise "the impertinent question" about whether Bush exaggerated the terrorist threat for political gain, Nader said.

Copyright 2004 by United Press International.

News: after too short of a time with the family, including the birth of his brand new son, Evan Everett Valdez, Will phoned Jenny when he landed in Korea, with information.

He is slated to be one of the 4000 taken from hardship duty in Korea, and sent to Iraq. Words fail. UnbelievBLY, this war is so much harder for me v. Viet Nam because it isn't my peers who have to make choices and be put in harm's way, it's my children...and that adds a new element of horror. Also, during Viet Nam, we felt we were affecting change with our protests and letters, now I simply feel impotent.

Will and Evan compare hand sizes

Apres dinner at China City

I just had to share a snap of me and Mike; a most major love of my life! He was cold in the shade, and placed himself in my lap for warmth, his cold, bare of course, feet in my legs for heat (he was doing this feet rocking thing that I do (nature v. nurture?) which tickled my fancy in a big way). Soon after this photo was taken, he snuggled in really really close, I wrapped my arms and sweater around him, and it was heaven for a while as he warmed up...he's amazing [thank you Katiebug..]!

Later that day I had another joyful moment with Mike, with Hannah and Robyn joining later. Mike was being pretty much left out by "the girls", and after an incident inside, he had been given a blanket to sit on in Jenny & Will's large lovely lawn overlooking the sparlking rays reflected from Homes Harbor. After making sure with Katie that he was not in a "time out", I joined him....

Mike had found a very very fuzzy yellow and black caterpillar. I mean it was FUZZZY and on the short side, so instead of being one of the many "moths" that have decided to lite in our yards here on Whidbey, eating leaves up before they can bloom, I think this was the "real deal"; a soon to be butterfly.

It's pretty amazing how softly this 4+ year old held and carried this caterpillar, and then allowed it to move from his arms, feet, legs, shoulders, body to mine, and keep it alive! He named it "Fuzzy Caterpillar" and it's last name was "CatRace". He got more and more excited by it's antics, and said "I love this caterpillar!"...and despite his enthusiasm, he still managed to hold it gently.

Robyn stopped by and when I asked her if she wanted to hold a caterpillar, and asked Mike if he'd share, despite his ready assent Robyn was too frightened to try. Soon Hannah joined us, with no compunctions about handling caterpillars, and she went to find her own. It was long and thin, and she said his name was "Crawly". She didn't want Mike to hold it, even while she grabbed leaves to cover the grass knoll she made on the blanket. "This is the bridge" she declared!

Robin decided it was ok to try having a caterpillar placed on her hand, as long as she covered it up with her sweatshirt she wore. It only took a few times before she decided she needed one too, and it wasn't long before "Crawly II" joined our entourage.

I heard my name called from the deck, telling me that it was time for us to go. Mom was headed for the car, and Gordy on his way to get me moving. Before Gordy arrive though, Robyn pulled back the arm of her sweatshirt, and gamely allowed Crawly II to be placed in her hand. I was sooooo pleased at her bravery and her allowing Crawly II to be directly on her hand! I gave her a big bear hug, and said my goodbyes to everyone at the shower who were still there.

What a day, and what moments that made it wonderful, including watching Robyn tackle her fear!
I even got one more big hug from Mike and Robyn before we took off for home. Sigh ;-).

..Pax

PS I made sure to tell the kids that when the Caterpillar comes out of it's cacoon, it will emerge transformed into a Cat of course!

 02:08 AM - link -    

From the League of Conservation Voters is the following request for funding this ad being played in Florida:

Things are going to be different in Florida this time--We're fighting back!

 11:04 AM - link -    

Sunday was a lovely day at Jenny, William, Robyn and little Evan's house. Lots of Coales, Cavenaughs, a few Gillmans and a Seymour to boot. I had the opportunity to spend time with Mikey, Robin and Hannah for quite a while getting to know their pet caterpillars...Hannah's Crawly, Robyn's Crawly II, and Mikey's Fuzzycaterpillar Catrace [shhhh don't tell their respective mommys that I made sure they knew that these wee one's will evolve /emerge into Cats].

Doris and Gerry, the Gillman and Coale Matriarchs were there and it made things extra special...harmony among families crossing generations, and all relations all mixed up, down to the latest addition, wee Evan who was all of 6+/- days old!

William is going back to Korea, and this stinks on soooo many levels. William is a much loved man in such a short period of time by all who have met him, here on the Island and elsewhere. He has that certain something that lets you know you are in the company of a loving, open hearted, funny and lovely man...there are no secrets...and it's going to leave a big hole in our hearts when he heads back to duty. The plan has been 9 more months in Korea, then back to Fort Lewis, Washington and settle in close to home after his "hardship duty" in Korea.

This AM, feeling the extra energy output I put forth yesterday, I woke up joints and bones creaking, grabbed my email and all I can say is damndamndamndamndamn !!! I feel so utterly helpless, and ask that if you should come by this entry, you'll wish, pray, meditate on Will's safe return ASAP, and make sure you write or phone your officials and get our boys, men, sons, husbands, sons-in-laws, uncles home safely now. The following is from CNN news:

"U.S. TO MOVE TROOPS FROM S. KOREA

The United States is planning to redeploy some of its 37,000 troops stationed on the Korean Peninsula to Iraq.

... cnn.com/2004/WORLD/asiapcf/05/16/skorea.troops/index.html "

..pax

 03:37 AM - link -    

Amidst an important letter I received regarding Bush trying to get "Usable Nukes" approved again, there was a link to a website that I found of interest:

 04:20 PM - link -    

Attention you lucky folks that live near NYC! I just want to let you know that you should mark your calendar for the formal dedication of the "Dave Van Ronk Street" ceremony at 6:30 PM on Wednesday, June 30th, 2004.

The live CD of Dave's final concert will also be released by the Smithsonian.

A good resource for any updates or changes or information and tidbits is Christine Lavin's site...stop by, stop often.

 04:05 AM - link -    

OK I'm back confused as ever, but this time I'm not just defeated, I am angry as I write.
This post is about more healthstuff, so pass this entry right on by if this is becoming as old to you as it is to me.

Earlier I shared some of my experience about the UDub Pain clinic. Despite my less than enthusiastic relating of events, somehow I sort of hoped things would be better, or different. I thought that maybe I was merely paranoid about my time and perception /memory of the 2 medical folk I met at the UDub pain clinic, and that it was within the realm of "normal" to not see the 3rd MD.

I also believed that my Primary Physician would debunk anything that those MDs did say if there were disparaging remarks...well fool be me yet again [*thwaks* self upside the head...]!

The following is pieces (not quotes) from their write up of our time together, and these are only some of their errors and misquote in their summary.

Did you know they warned my GP to not be pressured by me into increasing my Rx and /or using opiates?
[...gloriosky, I am so persuasive, I can mesmerize my "poor Island Doctor" into doing my bidding, and my bidding is evil. As I look into his eyes, I compell him to do my bidding: "you will give me lollypops for my good behaviour"; "you will be available to me 24x7 and will give me a private number to reach you"; "you will not charge me a fee for a visit because you'll be so happy to see me"; "you will put woolies on the stirrups"; "you will prescribe a visit at the spa"; you will prescribe the 'Endless Pool'"; ...riii-iiiight that happens.]

Did you know these fine men of science also alluded to, despite being unable to confirm anything, that I have a past history with highly addictive substances?
[Truth be known, and they were told this directly, that I am Rx (recreational or medicinally) phobic]

And, did you know it's most likely that I self-diagnosed myself as having FM?
[Oh, yes, in '89 I just decided that this was the disease for me. How did I get a Dx of FM? Well, after going to multiple MDs, Orthopedic Surgeons, and assorted medical folks such as DOs, as well as physical therapists, it wasn't until I some how stumbled into Newington Children's hospital in '90, 6 months later, that someone gave my illness and pain a name, Firbromyalgia (which was until within a month of that visit formerly called was called Fibritis, incorrectly describing the disease).

And, then about 4 years later, after another auto accident 3k away, after work was done on me by a DO and my symptoms didn't improve to the degree he expected, did he send me to a Rheumatologist, who did a lot of testing, and found I had Fibromyalgia (oh yeah, that wierd name again...hmmm)]

Did you know that only recently did I feel the need for crutches due to balance? But, the smart MDs noted that, aha! I made it to the bathroom under my own power!
[of course they didn't mention the "head" was mere yards away, and that I still took one with me just in case.... nor did they ask how I started to use them because if they did, they'd know that my Rheum MD suggested that I try crutches PRN to keep me mobile. My mobility is priority, and I concur -- can you imagine my shame, Zoe Gillman, superwoman, warrior princess, type-a, pull-yourself-up-by-the-bootstraps, I felt having to use them in public?]

Did you know that other than my shifting in my seat I displayed no significant pain behaviours?
[hmmm, I guess he wasn't paying attention when I said that BEFORE this combination of Rx I was in horrific pain, but SINCE I've started taking these Rx, I have been pretty much abdominally pain-free. Since these latest RX, I have been fuzzy headed and concentration and comprehension impaired, and there has been even a frightening loss of memory so that I really, really, really want to get off these meds ASAP]

Did you know they think I should be put on methadone (this was their one "action item")?
[Methadone...that is for drug addicts isn't it? It's not used as a Pain medicine primarily is it? How will this help my coping with abdominal pain?]

The first question asked of me was "what were my expectations of my visit today" at the pain clinic.
[My Primary Physician suggested I go, and referred me, my off-island Internist suggested I go, and referred me, and their very own director of GI at UDub suggested I go, and referred me, to this Multi-Discipliary Pain Clinic for their help becuase they can not identify precisely and cure what the problem is, and to go back in surgically for a look-see would create even more adhesions which might be worse for me in the long, and short, run -- they all concurred in this one aspect of my health]

My answer to him, was I would accept being at a 5 pain level, on the 1-10 scale, if it meant I could get off these drugs completely.
[I thought this was a clear indication and a definite statement to them that I wanted to STOP taking these Rx -- i.e. I did not like them, or want them, and I found their side effects like memory loss, and increased sleepiness and so on and so forth, a difficult price to pay to keep my abdominal pain level this low, but that maintaining pain higher than a 5 would not be endurable.]

I went there hoping for the latest and greatest that this Medical Facility boasts, and the humanity it proclaims to have -- the promises it stated in their brochures. I envisioned maybe trying some biofeedback, or self-hypnosis, or guided imagery, or some gizmo that puts the TENS unit to shame, or a new, still in the testing phase, drug to try...anything, just something ELSE, something to help me PLEASE -- migod it had been 9+ months already with no diagnosis but the ever-present IBS (aka a "waste-basket" dx which was nothing new in my TLA of woes)!

DO NO HARM?
Doctors, listen to your patients please. Hear them. Listen to the answers to your questions. Be respectful, and if you have to assume something, assume that their reason for seeking specialists is because they need your help, your educated guesses to help them find relief.

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. Thank you for letting me take up bandwidth to rant incoherently.

PS The reason I am revisiting this mess, is because while talking to a neighbor today, who also has had to deal with pain, his doctor-related complaints dealt with guesswork and being a guinea-pig for the MDs until they found a Rx that worked (even though in this instance, he really *does* have a history of drug abuse, and it is not a secret [Note: I'm not suggesting at all that he's manipulating the system, bigod he has a lot of pain and thank god /dess he has some meds that help take some of it away]) but ask most women, especially of a certain age, if their doctor-related complaint regarding pain management is that *they* endure that guinea-pig treatment to stop their pain.
More often than not, she'll tell you that what she endures and hears, are euphemisms, or in not so many words; surely it's obvious that it's "all in your head"..."it's the change"..."it's hormones"...it's just her "machievellian ways to get more pain meds"...and we all know that when push comes to shove, what she really needs is a good f***!

Pax

 03:53 AM - link -    

We were escorted into the Naval Hospital by William today to visit Jenny and meet Evan Everett Valdez, born 10-May-2004 at 6:09PM -- more snaps to follow -- and probably even MORE at Gordy's site...I like to think of this one as the commercial for long distance where the collect call was from:

"Addababyit'saboy"
This is William and Evan having a man to man love-fest, er bonding session!

 02:59 AM - link -    

Just Released is Christine's latest CD, "Sometimes Mother Really Knows Best"...appropriately is was released on Mother's day. Here's more info on the CD.

In case you didn't notice, it was actually DEDICATED to me and Gordy!!! *blush*

I'm tickled to pieces. She is an amazing woman and artist. Brava Chris!!! [and purchase it today and enjoy!]

 04:14 AM - link -    

Yikes Stripes...it's a Boy! Thor, has formally left his "nom de womb" and has officially arrived on planet earth as Evan Everett Valdez (Evan being William's middle name, and Everett being Brock's first name -- a dear friend of Will and Jenny they met in Germany while all 3 were stationed there, who died too young). Katie met Brock when she went with Jenny to travel around Germany and Amsterdam and other places overseas! -- and if I'm not mistaken, when Robby was official "Nanny-Man" he met Brock as well -- Gordy and I were not as blessed...some times life really rots.

BUT ... I'm meeting Evan (he'll always be Thor to me) soonest -- actually in a few hours, I better get some zzzzzzzzzzzzz's...I hope to have a few snaps for y'all later.

BTW, Jenny is Gordy's eldest. She is Robyn's Mommy, and William's Wife, and as of about 6-ish on May 10th (instead of April 22 as expected) Mommy of Evan (details to follow, or be found on Gordy's blog).

Ain't life grande?

 03:58 AM - link -    

Free Bumper Sticker Available...

 01:12 PM - link -