Watch the 47th Grammy's and look for DVR's Wife and Producer, Andrea Vuocolo Vanronk, and our beloved Christine Lavin [who helped edit it] February 13, 2005 8PM on CBS.
William Valdez is our Son-in-Law Extrodinaire. You can support our troops via this site, and support William, personally, if you wish. His TFT ID is 1862195 Thank you!
Maybe you though that there was peace on earth of late regarding my Mom? Well, not really. Au contraire, life has been really really hard for her and for me. Whenever I get so low, I think - aha! I have hit bottom, time to get better, to my chagrin, I find it's just another trap door.
This past week there were more falls at HomePlace for Mom. She also is having a reaction to the latest increase in her anti-anxiety Rx and her anti-depression meds -- they impact her walk, so that she is shuffling again, and hurts physically. I think that there has been some benefit from her increased dosage, but not hugely noticeable.
She fell multiple times, one real doozy was when she followed a care-giver who was going from pod 3 (Mom's pod) to pod 1, via the courtyard. Mom was afraid to be left alone, so she followed this caregiver and took a nasty header, on the cement!!! Her face was scraped up -- her nose and forehead, and she hurt her hip, and her elbow was torn.
I took her to Dr Waite to check her out -- way too many falls for my comfort level to NOT have him see her and have them talk. The good news is that he said not tetanus shot needed, and not stitches. He also had a chat with Gordy, Mom and I, and it was good, regarding Rx and how they impact each-other, allowing only so much lee-way in modifying it without making things go really out of whack.
Mom also flirted with him. That is always a good sign. The past 2 visits with Mom have shown her to be surprisingly aware, and alert, and she twinkled and teased Gordy and made other funny, wry remarks, on purpose!!! Yes!
I have had a huge case of the guilts of late. I am not managing to keep her safe enough. And her fear is palpable, I feel really ashamed of myself, and wish I could do more for her.
We also had another sad event happen at HomePlace. There was one lovely lady that I adored, named Jeanette, who was a resident in that pod. She was funny, and smiling most times. She chatted with us, even though it was gibberish, and she had such a kick out of the "bird" I brought in. She actually crowed at it! What fun. What a gentle spirit. Mom also liked her. She would engage her in "talk" and Kim mentioned that when she visited before, and they were at Bible study, Mom was holding Jeanette's hand.
I tried to help her when I could, getting her her glasses, or drinks, or someone to help her when she had to go potty. I managed to bond with this lovely lady. There were even hugs exchanged. She was a doll. If you're reading this, you're probably ahead of me already. I received in the most recent newsletter that she had died.
I don't know if I ever wrote about this piece of my history, but there was a time, after Gillman's, but before my working in the computer industry, I once had hopes and dreams of being a film critic, and /or filmmaker.
When I first started college, and went to University of Hartford Art school, there were no film courses available. Hence, I created my own itinerary, aimed at film criticism, and managed to have the head of the Art school approve it. Also, on my Art assignments, I would use Film as the medium whenever possible.
During the summers, I went to the intensive 2 week courses held by the AFI (American Film Institute) in Kent, Connecticut. What amazing times I had there.
The first summer I attended, it was concentrating on Sex and Violence (we even saw films that weren't released yet, like "Straw Dogs". There was also a boot-leg tape of "Deep Throat"...so boot-leg, that this was reel-to-reel tape!!! What a hoot. Besides messing with regular and super 8 media, this was my first time using "real" film equipment, with light boards, and editing beds etc. I created some great experimental work, mostly animation. I also "starred" in 3 films; one, a film by Jeff and Lorna named "Jonni", and there was another film that had me idoing "modern dance", and even an unfinished work by Pete Somlian -- a tad warped, hey, it was sex and violence week, yes? In 2 films, Tom Spence was my co-star .
Imagine me in front of a camera? Holy moly. For those who know me, they know just how rare this occurance really is. There were cameras running almost 24x7, so I was desensitized and they virtually disappeared and they lost their "power". BTW, I'm back to being camera shy.
After 2 years at U HA Art, I was pretty broke and had to find take part time courses at UConn branches while I returned to full-time work. The classes were mostly video and TV production but, I still managed to attend the great AFI summer classes in Kent.
AFI (American Film Institute)
When I went to AFI for my last summer, I met film-folk who either taught at, or were students of University of Bridgeport Cinema. Amazing! Finally a school that had an actual film major. Ooooweee. Ultimately, I saved enough to return to school there.
Despite advances in education, i.e. communications departments became common, with film majors popping up everywhere beside CA, some things never change.
The film department was small. My first year there, I was the only female there. Despite my originally entereing to be a film critic, i.e. become the next Judith Crist, or Molly Haskell, things changed. A gauntlet was tossed when some of my fellow students dared to question, out loud and to my face, a "female" filmmaker? Well, contrarian that I am, I dug my heels in, and despite my dream to be a famous critic (oooh all those films for free, and being paid to analyze them? sigh), I just had to prove I could be a filmmaker, therefore I changed the emphasis of my study there.
I embraced animation and documentaries, and loved playing with the audio. I even liked some of my completed work, but, the cost of film, it's development and making copies for editing, converting the audio from reel-to-reel, to 16mm mag-tape and then finally, optical audio proved pricey too. Thank goodness I didn't have to pay for help (I had my fellow students) and the school provided the cameras, the audio equipment, and movieolas and editing beds. Film and processing were my expense.
Yes, it got out of control financially, and I had to return to work yet again.
We sold our store, Gillman's, and I ended up managing an assortment of other businesses. Retail is low pay for long hours (including weekends), and I was getting fed up with it. Unfortunately, I didn't have the finances to pursue the one retail-related dream I had, which was to open a book store, so after a stint in outside sales, Dad and I had a much needed discussion. With his help, I went to a "you-too -can-be-a-computer-programmer" school; a 9 month course. I graduated and began my computer life.
This path meandered along, and I ended up relocating to the west coast. While here, an auto accident kicked off my fight with Fibromyalgia which I continue to battle today.
Which brings me to The 1 Second Film". I am officially a producer, one of many, and, I will soon be on IMdb, listed as a producer there for everyone to see. A dream come true, albeit via the back door.
I would like to invite all of you to make your mark too. The project is grand fun, and besides being a part of a creative process, you contribution will profit The Global Fund for Women;
The Global Fund for Women
Do you want to be a part of the fun?
List "producer" on your resume?
Have people see your official credit on IMdb?
Perhaps you want to help me get a spiffy free t-shirt?
If any of the above appeals to you, then stop on by the 1 Second Film website, and donate.
Please make sure you mention my name as your referral (I love that tee).
When you send your follow-up email, specifying the name to put on the film credits for "The 1 Second Film" (that's 24 frames) please mention I referred you (Zoe Gillman) -- thank you.
Wow! I love Reese Witherspoon to pieces and bits, but after seeing both films, "Walk the Line" and and now, "Transamerica", I surely think that Felicity Huffman deserved the Oscar, and the film - welll, suffice to say it blew me away!!!
It is one of those "onion" films, that has layer upon layer of messages and there is so much fun in being an archeologist of sorts.
Wow!
What an amazing coming of age film, and one can come of age at any, nay many stages of one's life. Rent it or purchase it...just see it is my suggestion.
A fine night would be to grab, "Transamerica", "Everything is Illuminated", and "Dogma" (for dessert add "An Evening With Kevin Smith") IMNSO opinion (still not full? add the "Tao of Steve and "My date with Drew").
Memorial Day Weekend's DVD Menu:
My latest love /find - such a gem of a flick, "Transamerica";
Everything is Illuminated - offbeat and great music...it surprises you into thinking;
Dogma & An Evening With Kevin Smith mm mmm gooooood;
aw heck...why not "The Tao of Steve"...sort of this generation's "dude"...;
and then there's light fun fare with "My Date With Drew"
or...well, maybe next long weekend I'll make up a list of yummy flicks. Have a fine Memorial Day weekend. Peace. Enjoy! ##
My oh my -- I don't know what I have done in my life and /or past lives to have been so blessed as to have someone like Marilyn in my life.
There is an adage that doesn't give anyone more [problems, stress, challenges, et al] than they can handle.
Well, you know I feel like I've been one of the lucky ones who gets a slew of challenges, and often teeter on the edge of "stop -- way too much already!", but, I must admit, I've had fantastic therapists and psychiatrists along the way (except a few rare moments along the way, like IME and at hospital, and /or interim ones) to help shore me up.
And, the coup de gras, is my current therapist, Marilyn! She is funny and bright, smart and insightful, human and loving, and is right (t)here with me every step of the way! She adds reason when I'm unreasonable, she interprets the unintelligible, she culls and sifts through things and just "gets it" and she shares and gives much of herself as part of our relationship.
She is amazing.
AND, she got me turned onto an amazing psychiatrist for medical management, Gary Weil...another caring soul who, is there for me, and is rooting for me to succeed. Ahhhhh. Thank you!
I want to pick up the phone and talk to my Mother [hear her voice, just like always. I am upset and need to hear her voice. I would phone, just say hi and hear what's new with her, not tell her why I am upset and wanted to talk to her, just have her there on the other end of the phone --basically an aural hug-- you know?].
It's such a simple thing that I will never have available to me again. ##
I just ran across a snap of me, Mom and Dad at Farmington Woods before I moved here. I miss these times, the moment looked happy, and loving and I miss my Parents horrifically. Magical Thinking...ah, were that I could make this moment real again, flesh it out, and hug and love and warmth...another bad day for me today.
But, it is a happy picture, and I recall the day, not date, and Paul took the snap and later, Jim and Mary came over.
A lovely family afternoon in Farmington, CT, into the night.
My brother sent me this to see if Mom was on it (yes) to avoid the penalty, but the article is way too true and painful!!! I, also, have been misinformed, multiple times, well prolly 3 out of 4 times, and they all acted like they knew of what they spoke... wrong! So, my personal experience ends up being a mere 33% not 41%. Here's a good article -- to true:
Today is the last day to sign up for Medicare Part D, the prescription drug benefit. It appears that millions of Americans, confused by the array of competing plans or simply unaware of the cutoff date, will miss the deadline. This will leave them without drug coverage for the rest of the year, and subject to financial penalties for the rest of their lives.
President Bush refuses to extend the sign-up period. "Deadlines," he said last week, "help people understand there's finality, and people need to get after it, you know?" His real objection to extending the deadline is probably that this would be an implicit admission that his administration botched the program's start-up. And Mr. Bush never, ever admits mistakes.
But Part D's bad start isn't just another illustration of the administration's trademark incompetence. It's also an object lesson in what happens when the government is run by people who aren't interested in the business of governing.
Before we get there, let's talk for a moment about the problems older Americans have encountered over the past few months.
Even Mr. Bush has acknowledged that signing up for the program is a confusing process. But, he says, "there is plenty of help for you." Yeah, right.
There's a number that people needing help with Part D can call. But when the program first went into effect, there were only 300 customer service representatives standing by. (Remember, there are 43 million Medicare recipients.)
There are now 7,500 representatives, making it easier to reach someone. But should you believe what you're told? Maybe not. A survey by the Government Accountability Office found that when Medicare recipients asked for help in determining which plan would cover their medications at the lowest cost, they were given the right answer only 41 percent of the time.
Clearly, nobody in the Bush administration took responsibility for making Part D's start-up work. But then you can say the same thing about the whole program.
After all, prescription drug coverage didn't have to be bafflingly complex. Drug coverage could simply have been added to traditional Medicare. If the government had done that, everyone currently covered by Medicare would automatically have been enrolled in the drug benefit.
Adding drug coverage as part of ordinary Medicare would also have saved a lot of money, both by eliminating the cost of employing private insurance companies as middlemen and by allowing the government to negotiate lower drug prices. This would have made it possible to offer a better benefit at much less cost to taxpayers.
But while a straightforward addition of drug coverage to Medicare would have been good policy, it would have been bad politics from the point of view of conservatives, who want to privatize traditional social insurance programs, not make them better.
Moreover, administration officials and their allies in Congress had both political and personal incentives not to do anything that might reduce the profits of insurance and drug companies. Both the insurance industry and, especially, the pharmaceutical industry are major campaign contributors. And soon after the drug bill was passed, the congressman and the administration official most responsible for drafting the legislation both left public service to become lobbyists.
So what we got was a drug program set up to serve the administration's friends and its political agenda, not the alleged beneficiaries. Instead of providing drug coverage directly, Part D is a complex system of subsidies to private insurance companies. The administration's insistence on running the program through these companies, which provide little if any additional value beyond what Medicare could easily have provided directly, is what makes the whole thing so complicated. And that complication, combined with an obvious lack of interest in making the system work, is what led to the disastrous start-up.
All of this is, alas, terribly familiar. As John DiIulio, the former head of Mr. Bush's faith-based initiative, told Esquire, "What you've got is everything — and I mean everything — being run by the political arm." Ideology and cronyism take complete precedence over the business of governing.
And that's why when it comes to actual policy as opposed to politics, the Bush administration has turned out to have the reverse Midas touch. Everything it gets its hands on, from the reconstruction of Iraq to the rescue of New Orleans, from the drug benefit to the reform of the C.I.A., turns to crud.
It was a horrible day today full of grief and guilt and bad health and no respite.
We had an official Mother's Day luncheon at HomePlace, me, Kim, Gordy & Mom, on Friday. Not really something to write home about...but it was nice to all be in one place.
But, today, Gordy went to his Mom's, andalthouth I hoped to get to mine's, have yet been able to drive round trip without huge exhaustion and my eyes slamming shut -- today was no different.
I phoned her twice today. The first to tell her I wasn't going to make it today, the second for me, to apologize for the big picture, and for the lesser one -- when I just couldn't drive today.
I bordered on phoning Marilyn...it was that kind of sad. I wan't to do a reverse "snake" and shed my insides instead of my skin. I want relief and less guilt and pain and fear. I need energy and hope. I have none.
I would like to have something to boost my outlook on living. Where are those bootstraps when I need to grab 'em, eh? ##
It's too scary to think it has come to this, but the net may not reflect freedom of speech if we don't fight to protect it from being purchased. Not only will we lose free speech, but we'll have to pay to use it as well. Does it make sense to pay AT&T, Verizon directly, or indirectly, via provider manipulation, or for the privelige of people accessing other people's ideas, art, journals?
This is so wrong! Click on the Icon Below for a link to things you can do now.
Save the Internet
Congress is now pushing a law that would end the free and open Internet as we know it. Internet providers like AT&T and Verizon are lobbying Congress hard to gut Network Neutrality, the Internet's First Amendment and the key to Internet freedom. Net Neutrality prevents AT&T from choosing which websites open most easily for you based on which site pays AT&T more. So Amazon doesn't have to outbid Barnes & Noble for the right to work more properly on your computer.
Many members of Congress take campaign contributions from these companies, and they don't think the public are paying attention to this issue. Let's show them we care - please sign this petition today.
What a marvelous surprise from Netflix this evening! I had rented yet another film on a whim, and what a joy! If you love the theater or acting or word-play, you must rent or buy "Stage Beauty".
Not only great eye-candy, but an onion of a story (no, I don't mean tears, I mean layers upon layers).
We salute the Grammy nomination of the late great
Dave Van Ronk's final concert album: 
