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Of late, I have had to be on "def-com" 3+ tummy alert, afraid of a return visit to the ER. I just haven't had good control regarding this last hospital stay's recovery. I also have had to put off visiting Mom, which adds to the stress and guilts. Dammmmit. I heard that Mom is "acting out" again. That is not good news. I had planned to visit with Chuck this week, but I felt really badly, and had to up my dosage of meds to stay home..and it worked this time [knock wood]. I get really really frustrated when I talk with Chuck, so dear Gordy will phone on my behalf today and ask him what has he done to help Mom in this latest behaviour, and /or what are his intentions to do with her medicine so that we can help her meet the requirements to come back home. My toes and fingers are crossed in hopes he has already done something...but, well, I won't hold my breath! Off to my appointment in Coupeville -- I'm going to try to drive it myself. I still have trouble with sleep, and am sooooo exhausted. My sleep study is almost here, it's the 9th of October. Dr Jak was not pleased with the medicine I have been prescribed, and his face spoke a thousand words when I mentioned FMS -- he's not a "believer". He will only check for apnea now because of my Rx. That truly does me a disservice. I'm not sure Apnea is my problem. Oh well. TBDALD [to be determined at a later date...]
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12:10 PM - link - |
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Memory Lane -- I ran across this old article on Gillman's West Hartford Inc. in the local rag, West Hartford News:
Original Article
The Photo: Claire Marceau, me, Dad, Dotty Levine, Anita Pistoia (dear friend and our seamstress), and Lynn Ohlinger (now Harris) who also became a great friend of mine [Of course, I've lost touch with them...sigh].
The Copy
I recall thinking the times were hard because of our long weekend hours, and retail seems to brings out the nasty in customers who end up taking out their home life on us, but now, to be back in that warm and cuddly place and travel in our "wayback machine" to this time again....
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11:44 AM - link - |
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Saturday September 23 2006
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This is not good news at all.
FDA Told U.S. Drug System Is Broken
Expert Panel Calls For Major Changes
By Shankar Vedantam
Washington Post Staff Writer
The federal system for approving and regulating drugs is in serious disrepair, and a host of dramatic changes are needed to fix the problem, a blue-ribbon panel of government advisers concluded yesterday in a long-awaited report. The analysis by the Institute of Medicine shined an unsparing spotlight on the erosion of public confidence in the Food and Drug Administration, an agency that holds sway over a quarter of the U.S. economy. The report, requested by the FDA itself, found that Congress, agency officials and the pharmaceutical industry share responsibility for the problems -- and bear the burden for implementing solutions. The report represents a watershed moment after two years of controversy over the safety of such widely used drugs as pain relievers and antidepressants. The Institute of Medicine is part of the National Academies, chartered by Congress to advise the government on scientific and health policy issues. Its recommendations traditionally carry great weight.
[snip...] The panel called for a moratorium on consumer advertising of newly approved classes of drugs until they have been on the market long enough for unrecognized side effects and risks to emerge. Packaging for new types of medications should also carry a special symbol, such as the black triangle required in Britain, to alert patients that the drug's safety profile would not be fully known until it had been more widely studied, the report said. The FDA should reevaluate safety and effectiveness data of such new drugs within five years after initial approval, the panel added, and the agency needs new powers to impose fines and requirements on drugmakers. In addition, the report called for the agency to have authority to place a wider range of restrictions on drugs it deems risky.
[snip...] The committee also took aim at FDA management, citing a history of intra-agency squabbling and conflicts of interest on the expert advisory panels appointed by the agency to review the scientific data on proposed new drugs and devices. A substantial majority of advisory panel members should have no ties to industry, it said.
[snip...] Much of the institute's report focused on a central gap in drug regulation: While the FDA demands strict data on efficacy and safety from clinical trials before approving a new drug, less attention is paid after the drug reaches the market.
[snip...] The trade group also opposes mandatory registration of clinical trials because that would force companies to reveal trade secrets to competitors, Lassman said. Manufacturers also oppose restrictions on advertising, he said, adding that advertisements help educate patients about problems and treatments.
[link here for the full article]
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01:16 PM - link - |
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I was tickled to see this "new" Wal-Mart emerge..very kewl and hopeful methinks.
This was from the Alliance for Retired Amerian's site.
Wal-Mart Sets $4 Price for Many Generic Drugs
Retailing giant Wal-Mart, known for forcing prices down to dominate markets, said yesterday that it would sell nearly 300 generic drugs for $4 per prescription, whether or not a customer has insurance. According to The Washington Post, using its might as the nation's largest retailer and its ability to force suppliers to cut prices to the bone, the company will begin the $4 price program in its 65 stores in the Tampa area today. It will expand the program to all of Florida in January, and to as many other states as possible by the end of 2007. "The federal government should look to its friends at Wal-Mart and see that negotiating bulk discounts on prescription drugs can reduce the cost to consumers," said Edward Coyle, Executive Director of the Alliance. He continued, "This action by Wal-Mart in no way absolves it of its many failures as a responsible employer. For example, three-quarters of a million Wal-Mart workers are uninsured or are on public health care. Wal-Mart passes on to taxpayers $1.2 billion in health care costs each year."
06:49 PM - link - |
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Wednesday September 20 2006
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I looked over at my NYT feed on the left of this page and I couldn't believe my eyes. I thought that this must be one of those "headline leads" that would be less shocking upon reading it...not so much:
In Reversal, Germany Will Join Lebanon Force
September 21, 2006
By MARK LANDLERBERLIN, Sept. 20 — German warships will set sail for the Mediterranean on Thursday, after Parliament voted Wednesday to send up to 2,400 troops to patrol the waters off Lebanon. Haunted by the Holocaust, Germany had resisted sending soldiers to the Middle East for fear of potential clashes with Israeli troops. The deployment, the country’s first in the Middle East since World War II, was approved by a three-to-one ratio. It thrusts Germany into an uncertain phase of its steady development into a nation that projects military force outside its borders. Chancellor Angela Merkel, whose government pushed for the deployment despite the deep misgivings of many Germans, described the mission as having a “historical dimension.” “There is perhaps no other area of the world,” Mrs. Merkel said in Parliament, “where Germany’s unique responsibility, the unique responsibility of every German government for the lessons of our past, is so clear.” German soldiers now patrol dusty towns in northern Afghanistan, jungles in central Africa and wooded hills in Bosnia and Kosovo. To avoid conflicts with Israeli soldiers, this deployment will include no ground troops — only two frigates with helicopters, two supply ships and four fast-patrol boats. Even with a full complement of 2,400 troops, it would rank third in size for Germany’s foreign deployments, after Afghanistan and the Balkans. Still, Mrs. Merkel said it was Germany’s duty to support the foreign peacekeeping force being assembled in southern Lebanon, to enforce a truce between Israel and the Hezbollah militia. The German ships, which will try to prevent the smuggling of weapons to Hezbollah, are part of a maritime force that includes ships from Denmark, Norway, Sweden and the Netherlands. The German sailors will be authorized to stop ships suspected of carrying weapons — by force if necessary — board them, and turn them over to Lebanese authorities. On Tuesday, the foreign minister, Frank-Walter Steinmeier, said, “We in the international community are obliged to draw on our strength to help Lebanon as long as it is not itself in a position to do so.” Whether Germany should play any military role in the Middle East conflict has been a source of debate here for weeks. Parliament approved the mission a day after the chief of the Israeli military said Israel hoped to pull its last forces out of Lebanon by sundown on Friday. The vote in the lower house of Parliament — 442 to 152, with 5 abstentions — was not a surprise, given the commanding majority of Mrs. Merkel’s “grand coalition.” But opposition leaders voiced strident criticism, warning of the risks of sending troops to a volatile region where Germany has built up good will with its diplomacy rather than its military might. “We should be under no illusions just because this is a navy mission and not a ground mission,” said Guido Westerwelle, the leader of the opposition Free Democratic Party. Oskar Lafontaine, a leader of the Left Party, said Germany was risking terrorist attacks. Germans have been on edge since August when the police discovered suitcases with unexploded bombs on two trains in western Germany. Two Lebanese men who had been living in Germany were arrested, and intelligence officials said the timing of the bungled plot might have been linked to the war. Some critics said Mrs. Merkel’s avowed support of Israel — combined with the decision to commit troops — would jeopardize Germany’s traditional role as a go-between in the Middle East. “In the past, Germany could be a mediator between Israel and the Palestinians,” said Günter Meyer, director of the Center for Research on the Arab World at the University of Mainz. “But by clearly siding in this mission with the Israelis, we are alienating the rest of the Arab world.” The German public opposes the deployment, polls indicate, though people differ on how vociferously. Some of the opposition, experts say, is a reflexive tendency in postwar Germany toward pacifism. Some, they say, also reflects anger at how Israel conducted the war in its early days. Critics fault Mrs. Merkel for not initiating a national debate about Germany’s proliferating military engagements. The lack of discussion outside the capital could come back to haunt her, they say, should this deployment or, more likely, the Afghanistan mission, become messy. “A lot of people are having doubts about these missions,” said Rainer Arnold, a spokesman on military issues for the Social Democratic Party, which is in a coalition with Mrs. Merkel’s Christian Democrats. “I’m very concerned about the risks to German soldiers in Afghanistan.” On Thursday, Parliament is expected to extend the army’s mission in Afghanistan by a year, though. Mr. Arnold said the German military would soon reach the limits in resources for foreign deployments, not because it lacks troops — 8,000 out of 250,000 military personnel are serving in foreign missions — but because it lacks the specialists these missions require. “If you compare that with the United States, it’s a smaller percentage,” said Sascha Lange, an analyst at the German Institute for International and Security Affairs. “But we are in a transformation to make it possible to deploy troops outside of Germany, and this is only the beginning.”
[I'm sure there so many people out there who are not surprised about this alliance, but I had no clue in my wee world, that this was even a remote possibility...]
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08:37 PM - link - |
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In case I haven't mentioned it... I'm in Love with "Upstairs Downstairs"!!!! I got it at a good price, the complete series, and I'm enthralled, enraptured, entranced...just in love with this fabu series!!! A must must MUST see, or see again for those of you where were smart enough to view it on PBS the first go round, you know you need to have this in your private collection (despite video flaws in the A&E "The Complete Series" package). Rent, buy, enjoy!
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11:44 PM - link - |
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but seriously folks...this is what I wrote this time to Oprah... please, please please still think about writing her to support my request everyone, ok? Pax
I wrote a few weeks ago. Since then, I have posted it on my Blog, & sent out letters asking people to write you; some have.
Alzheimer's is an insidious disease, & at this stage, time is the enemy. Mom is losing not just her memory, but her ability to function. As her brain is eaten away, pieces of her functionality is lost. This once articulate woman has lost her ability to communicate. Soon she may not be able to swallow. What fails next is unknown. My health issues and the distance makes caring for her properly, impossible [I was in hospital recently and missed a visit]. I fear Mom will forget who I am before she is able be discharged. The state bureaucracy is formidable. They do good work, and have made huge strides in calming and
medicating her properly, but Mom still has to wait to get in the queue of 10 to even start her discharge; then 2 more months of paperwork. I miss my Mother beyond words, and Mom cries when I phone. We need each other to thrive even a tiny bit. I'm writing again to plead that you help expedite Gerry's release from the state facility, and into Careage on Whidbey Island. Time is critical for an alzheimer's patient, as is her environment. During
my last call to her, amid nonsense words, she articulated that she "can't remember and I don't know why--I'm afraid". I tried to assure her that this is expected, don't panic--the hospital is there to help, but Oprah, I could go to her side, hold her, soothe her, rock her as the need arises if she were closer [20 minutes to Careage, v. 2.5 hours and ferry dependency to the state] -- Thank You in advance for any help.
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10:37 PM - link - |
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For some bozo reason, the Intel version of Mac using Camino as the browser doesn't work right on some site where I enter data. It drives me crazy!!! Including today. I have been trying all day to get a letter off to Oprah, a follow up, and kept getting an error message. Of course My need for Mom brings on this desire to be a "Squeeky wheel" and write Oprah again, and there is stress involved, and no sleep for a long while, multiple days, and not even full pills can get me to sleep, so I'm getting more hurty and more tired and cranky, and so, voila, today I have a tummy upset, methinks a possible Hospital N/G tube type looming. I also got really stressed and miffed when lack of sleep made me unable to attend the HLCC meeting, and Gordy went in my stead. To my distress, he didn't read the letter I asked him to read at the onset of the meeting. I just really really wanted to be HEARD!!! He promised. He proofed it when I wrote it. I thought it was a done deal...nope, not so. He didn't read it. Well, I ended up firing it off to two of the people on the board, and it loses it's impact that way, especially since the meeting is a fait accompli, but they read it and said not to worry, those issues were addressed. Well, that isn't the point really. I really wanted to be HEARD...to have my words CONSIDERED not dismissed. Too much in my life do I have to "shout" or do some hurculean action to get something of import to me actually listened to, or not dismissed out of hand, or taken seriously. Prime example is starting with HomePlace not listening to my info about Mom and her medicine. I ended up speaking with Kathy, 3 weeks later than the initiated time, and then we were already on take II Gerry returns, amped up on meds because of the HOSPITAL in Sedro-Woolley dismissing me and what I know out of hand, which then exacerbated things so when Mom was back in HomePlace, she was not herself because of the type of medicine, because I TOLD THEM she did badly with EFFEXOR, heck, her issues were fear, anxiety not depression, and not choosing to take medicine, nor being happy when it was laced in her food, to trick her, but her palate was keen, so she dumped her juice in the sink, or her toast that was laced etc etc. What is wrong that no one listens? I am losing it. I have good things to say of import about life, work, art, politics and my health and my Mother's health etc etc ad nauseum...but no one listens -- truly, they do not -- and to top it off, Gordy chose to not listen to what I asked, and chose to not read it for a multitude of logical reasons, but that isn't why I wanted it read, I wanted a voice, and also, it begged an exception to HLCC, to let Gordy vote in my stead, which was never requested, since he didn't read it, it wasn't asked...and o bla di, o bla da....and then the stupid browser not getting my message to Oprah because it is Camino on Intel Mac, not Camino by itself. And, BTW, at the Applestore, the Genius counter, HE didn't listen...he talked over me -- he had HIS agenda, and it wasn't to help me out with my questions, or make it comprehensible for me, for me to understand, he spoke and rode right over me, and I was getting jerked around, so I called Gordy over before I blew a gasket -- they spoke, I was dismissed, and the stress keeps on coming, the bloat keeps on adding and the tum keeps on failing me, where, right now, I have found myself back in the place where ER is a possible future, and I am determined to slip through this future, if, IF I can get soothed some, my stomach stop roiling and whoopsing, and it debloats, and settles in and relaxes............oh man, I choose so NOT to return to ER and WGH and N/G tubes and yet another day /nay week, without seeing Mom. I'm hoping against hope here....toes and fingers crossed...wish me luck and rest...thank you!
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10:32 PM - link - |
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Saturday September 16 2006
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Medicare Changes [not good news of course...] from an article found at Co-Cure, the source is www.retiredamericans.org:
9/15/2006
Medicare Changes:
Increased Fees for Everyone - Not Just the Wealthy
Most seniors will have to pay 5.6 percent more for basic Medicare coverage next year, officials announced in The Washington Post on Wednesday. However, premiums for more affluent beneficiaries will increase by as much as 83 percent, because the federal government for the first time will require wealthier people to pay more.Some Medicare advocates say the higher premiums will prompt some wealthy people to drop out of Medicare, leaving the program to serve poorer, sicker people, and undermining Medicare's broad political support and its finances. "Unfortunately, if seniors start to drop out of Medicare, Congress will be more likely to cut benefits later. This is another step in dismantling Medicare," said George J. Kourpias, President of the Alliance. The surcharge rises with income, and will be much higher in 2008 and later years. The surcharge was established under a little-noticed provision of the 2003 law that added a prescription 'drug benefit' to Medicare. About 1.5 million of the 42 million Americans on Medicare will have to pay the higher
premiums based on income. The standard monthly premium for Part B, which covers doctor visits and outpatient hospital care, will rise to $93.50 from $88.50 this year, according to Mark B. McClellan, head of the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS). Individuals with an annual income of more than $80,000 (or more than $160,000 for married couples) will pay monthly premiums of $106 to $162.10, depending on income. McClellan said the income-based premiums will save the government $7.7 billion over five years and more than $20 billion over a decade. The standard premium has shot up an average of 12 percent a year since 2001, when it was $50 a month. The premium is set each year to cover about 25 percent of projected spending under Part B of Medicare, with general tax revenues paying the remaining 75 percent of the cost. The changes will be some of Mr. McClellan's final acts at CMS. He has overseen the agency since 2004, but announced last week that he will leave by early October. The CMS administrator oversees Medicare, Medicaid and the federally subsidized State Children's Health Insurance Program (SCHIP),
which together serve about 90 million Americans and account for more than $535 billion a year in federal spending. A new administrator has not been appointed. Bush Promise to Privatize Social Security Not Forgotten President Bush renewed his vow to privatize Social Security, saying that in 2007 he "will be able to drain the politics out of the issue," because it will not be an election year. In an interview with the Wall Street Journal, Bush was confident that the Republicans would prevail in the 2005 Fall elections and support his Social Security plan in the next Congress. In 2005, an overwhelming number of Americans opposed his plan to create private accounts. At the same time, Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) and House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) have kicked off a nationwide "Golden Promise" campaign, calling on members of Congress to sign
a petition and pledge to oppose any effort to privatize Social Security. "We must stick together and urge our members of Congress to sign the Golden Promise pledge," said Ruben Burks, Secretary-Treasurer of the Alliance. Donut Hole Day Quickly Approaching September 22, 2006, marks the day when the greatest number of Medicare Part D participants will fall into their plan's 'donut hole', thus losing their prescription drug coverage until they've spent $3,600 of their personal money to cover their medication needs. Advocacy groups across the country are planning events, ranging from town hall meetings to donut hole deliveries, in order to draw national attention to the day that will place up to 7 million Americans at dire health and financial risk. To find out about events in your area, contact your local Alliance leaders.
[FWIW Gerry hit the donut hole a while back -- and to top it off, we're struggling with HomePlace and Consonus, their Rx resource, for refund of medicine unused....]
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12:13 AM - link - |
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It was soooooooo good to see my Mom again. Amazing how humans adapt to things. Mom has learned to enunciate pretty darn well now, even without her teeth. Unfortunately, very little makes sense...VERY little.
I heard the following: "My toes hurt" and "My beautiful daughter" and "I love you" (with her tearing up). She also said "Jimmy Gillman" but what about him, I could not discern. Most of her words now consist of clothing. It is so bizarre. I imagine that if I pointed out objects, Mom could name them, but for her to make a sentence, not so much. She looked HYDRATED!!! That is really wonderful. She doesn't feel as if she gained weight, she was wearing layers of clothing but underneath she's all bones, but, she could get up - from the chair herself. She enjoys talking about the people here as they walk by our "sitting room" that they have us go to, and she blew kisses as certain folk walked by. But I think some of that is pure bravado, a show that she puts on for us. Mom loved the home-made, by yours truly and Gordy too, squash souffle [lovingly known as "squish" in our family], and, it actually had the custard on top, but she noshes on it vs eats while it's in front of her. I have to phone them today and make mention that they might want to try giving her a cup of squash, or other fud, with a spoon (her utensil of choice), and let her carry it with her throughout the day so she can nibble all day. When I think back, Mom never did MEALS per se, so this is a missing link that could help. I love her so much. I need her close ASAP. I have to thank those of you who have written Oprah for me. Words can't explain the gratitude I feel. I'm so blessed to have you folks in my life...big ol' bear hug {{{}}}.
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01:29 PM - link - |
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Act Now! Time Sensitive.
I received this in email; sign now if you agree this is wrong:
Our friends at MoveOn and Working Assets have been leading the
charge on an important campaign to stop ABC from airing a movie
about 9/11 which is out-and-out propaganda written to defend
Republicans and implicate Democrats. It was even written by a
Republican operative. This sort of distortion of our history for
partisan politics is shameless and offensive. Sign the Moveon.org Petition by linking here Tell ABC Not to Distort 9/11:
link here Time is very short -- the movie is slated to air in just two
days. Send the message, then Forward this e-mail to your friends
TODAY. The latest news is that ABC is considering making changes
to their 9/11 propaganda film; NOW is the time to pour on the
pressure! Matt Holland
Online Director, TrueMajority Working Assets has an action page as well,
link here
02:52 PM - link - |
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Not quite Magical Thinking, but color me desperate. And, you can help!!! This is what I did. I wrote Oprah.
She has a "Need a "HARPO HOOK UP" To Pull A Few Strings?" page where a person an ask for help and hope. Here's my letter: I'm trying to get my Mom into a nursing home here on Whidbey Island, WA close to me. I am her Durable Power of Attorney, but disabled, with health issues. Therefore, for me to be actively involved; speak for her from an informed position, personal contact and close proximity is imperative. My Mom has alzheimer's. She moved in with me November '03. Her needs became far greater than I could meet, even with help. Feb 9th, marked the very sad day when we moved her to HomePlace (55 minutes away). It came highly recommended. It was not a match, instead, a beginning of a series of horrors for Mom. Actions, out of my control, had Mom living over 2 and a half hours away, off-island (which means Ferry waits and dependency), in a state facility, and out of my care. Oprah, can you help expedite things when it comes to the state and get her to the private faciity of choice, Careage(20 minutes away)?
What can you do? Link here, and write to her as well, asking to help Zoe from Whidbey Island Washington, get her Mom out of State Hospital, and close to home; Careage.
If I /we can get an "Alices Restaurant" movement working, they WILL pay attention. Will you do this for me and Mom? Please challenge Oprah to take on the State of Washington and get my Mom nearer to me before she has to spend her holidays in WSH. Thank you in advance.
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01:23 PM - link - |
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For Mom to get out of WSH, there is a process. Here's what we learned. They can only process 10 discharges at one time. When Mom is ready to go, then she has to wait for a slot to empty, so she can be one of the 10 to process. The process will take a lot of paperwork, and a lot of time. At best, about 2 months!!! Christmas in WSH? Thanksgiving in WSH? Poor Mom, the thought of that...along with her wedding anniversary; November 23rd would've been 59 years!!! She had 51+ with Dad. Wow. Well, this is not a good thing on any level. I imagine that she extends past this 90 day stint, and will be "signed up" for the next 120 days. I hope that because she will be in the longer time that they don't push a 90-day person ahead of her. I keep trying to impress on them that we want her BACK ASAP!!!! So, that's the process in a nutshell. Think expeditiously.
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12:54 PM - link - |
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I don't think that I mentioned that I have spoken to Mom almost daily since I've been home. It's just a short short call, I tell her I love and miss her. She cries a bit, and then I tell here I'll be coming this weekend with food!!! and that perks her up a bit. For that reason alone, I have to slow down, and do the right thing, even slower than ok, so I can visit Mom and let her know she's not alone and left unloved or uncared for and not thought of. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I just had an argument with Gordy. He has agreed to take over some phone calls [did you know I'm phone phobic? Yeah, I am. I could do cold calls face to face in a heart beat when I was selling Kroy Lettering Machines, but to phone someone..ugh...panic set in. I can sit in front of a phone, when it comes to business, and stare and try to gird my loins, and grit my teeth, to get the nerve to dial. When it starts to ring, my heart races and I get shakey. Oh, how I hate phone calls--there is not "tell" without the visual] and act as liason between me and WSH and HomePlace and Consonus for a bit. I get way too emotional, and, I also know that I'm not "heard". Gordy is heard. And he can persuade people easily if he chooses. He has a lovely sounding voice to boot. But, back to the argument. I just wanted him to ask Annette if we can bring a blanket or the other twin spread up to Mom, since she said that all the stuff is in boxes still, since the move upstairs to E-8. He says it will just "grow legs", or the "personal shoppers" [that is a HomePlace term for someone grabs it and takes it from her room] will remove it etc. I just want Mom to have a "pretty" when she wakes up in the AM. I also want to push the issue, to see if it is truly "in boxes" as Annette indicates, or if she is using this to keep us from not bringing it. Some times, as based on my experience to date, they people who care for my Mother don't state outright what their problem is with something. They use excuses etc. to appease me, and still have it the way they want it. Tell me straight! That's all I ask. The first manager I spoke to told me to bring things. She encouraged it. If that conversation didn't happen, I wouldn't have any expectations or ideas of doing this in my head. But they said, posters for the wall, pillows, non-breakable things are goodness. So, that is where this need to bring things in comes from. Another reason I want to bring some Gerry things in, is because I was just in hospital for a week, and to be so nameless, so identity bereft, it was awful, and it was on such a small scale. And the bed is terrible to sleep on, and the pillows, even Gordy couldn't use them. Nasty slippery, pieces of work. So, I want to bring a bit of outside inside, especially now that we know of some of the possible time it will take to get Mom released. Damnitall.
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12:43 PM - link - |
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I had a huge "wake-up" call earlier this AM, about 4:00AM. I was on ER alert again. I couldn't sleep, and my stomach had *the* pain. I was terrified. The bruises are just turning that pale yellow now, on their way out, and getting ripe again for new assaults on my veins (which tend to have a mind of their own; they roll away from the person looking to get it...smart veins, but bad for me). It took the ER guy 5 tries before he called in other help, who took 3 tries before she made SURE it got in, and that one ended up getting red, swollen and hard during the week in hospital, which means it probably was not completely in the vein -- ugh. I just have so many resolutions I want to keep. So many changes I am trying to implement.
And, I still am just the same person, trying to make it happen quickly, or at least quicker than I am able to do, or my body is ready to take, and it let me know in a way I am likely to "listen" that I'm to do it slowly; s l o w l y, not at my preferred pace; the ol' sheer will gets you through it, type-a, nownownow no yesterday pace. It is such a hard lesson for me to grasp and implement. And, I'm also afraid that I'll lose my resolve if I don't make it part of my life ASAP. I'm afraid still of so many things, and failing to achieve this new stance, one of strength and independence is a frightening one. I want so badly to do the things I need to be able again, at least as able as my "disabled" body will let me. I doubt I'm being very articulate, or saying what I want to say in an understandable way (I know that can't be a real word - understandable) but maybe it will remind me later if I ever read this again that I am doing the same wrong things; working too hard, too soon, before I'm able, or my body is ready to accept where I'm pushing myself. I'm in it for my life, so slower is ok. The week in the hospital offered me life-long modifications and mindsets, so make changes in moderation, make them stick, give them a chance to work for the long distance, not sprint. This is hard to do. I think I'm pretty binary when it comes to me. I am either full-bore, or stopped. That way of life will get me in hospital, N/G tube or surgery, every time. Oh, if only I were a mellow woman . It figures that part of the "sixties" culture didn't ever make it into my world.
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12:17 PM - link - |
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Wednesday September 6 2006
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Health seems to be the watchword of the day (well days since Monday's release). I have made huge resolutions, and Gordy and I have made new vows with new, healthier, expectations, and my session with Marilyn was productive despite an unsteady start. I've written to ClearPassages for an alternative to surgery; an introduction.
I've contacted Judy, a dear dear friend who I have been way too uncommunicative with since the move to WA., and she welcomed me with pure love and acceptance.
I'm trying hard to move more. Literally move more and try to manually go out and prune the plants.
I even stopped by Andrew Weil's site, and signed on board in hopes to be an affiliate of
Vital Choice [I dunno if I can actually find myself eating meat again , but] For now, methinks I'll order the supplements, teas, maybe try the berries, and, who knows, they even have chocolate! TBD. so... I'm working on it.
I'm working on me.
I'm working for Mom.
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03:47 PM - link - |
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PS the time between the previous two entries found me in Hospital.
The short of it:
3rd ER run (in about 24 hours) at Whidbey General Hospital was the "charm" that admitted my poor, gut-heaving, bile-heaving (3 days even with the insterted N/G tube) body to Hospital. It was a very very tough week physically, spiritally, psychically, emotionally, financially (lonely too), with no real resolution except, if I am to ward off another admittance, avoid stress are the keywords; I learned about the direct mind-gut connection that exists regarding stress. Weird stuff about the same neurotransmitters in the brain are in the gut et al...fascinating if it was anyone else but moi. I also have been warned again that surgery could "fix" this, but surgery "created" this via scar tissue, even though it was laproscopic surgery. There are many many horror stories on the net about "fixing abdominal scarring".
I'm still not on solid food, nor solid ground yet. Keep your toes and fingers crossed for me please.
I miss my Mother, and I have to get some palatable food to her, so I hope I can make it this weekend.
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PS there are some amazingly fine people at WGH to name a few;
- Jen in ER
- Dr Sherman (and the RN on in ER visit #1)
- Kirstin (angel-smart too!)
- Eddie (lucky!!!)
- Fran (heart)
- Heather (calm listener)
- Marisole (who Isabella Rosalini has nothing on her)
- Lolly (a lady who KNOWS)
- from nutrition, a sweet soul, who worked hard on my behalf to find real "veggie broth" for me
- Dr Bibby; the Man (he even came in late late to check on me, and gems of wisdom and a wry sense of humor to get me to *see* things (maybe...))
- Debbie; the Social Worker who gave me insight into WSH workings on how to get GCG home
- Robert; the social worker I vented at, mea culpa
- The X-ray crew, the hours they work are immense [17 in one week, plus a full CT]
There are so many more who came into my drug and pain-full days and nights, to offer solace, wisdom, pain, snippiness, bad information, good information, and just to check in and see if I was still awake despite the meds that would drop a horse...but, this week is potentially a mind-expanding, and hopefully a kick-start into new action and viewing my current world.Thanks to everyone I met this week, and you all know who you are....
09:29 PM - link - |
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Dang! My attorney is willing to work electronically with me, especially since the state of WA is trying to be hip.............but, the fools only have software for the PC!!!! ARGH! Here's my happy little smiley face revenge:
When I headed over to Mac to see about that PC emulation prog, I found *this*
Click ThisWho's really hip?
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07:19 PM - link - |
"walk this way..."
Igor [prnounced Eye-gore] from "Young Frankenstien" [pronounced Steen] --
there's more!
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We salute the Grammy nomination of the late great
Dave Van Ronk's final concert album: 
