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Ahhhhhhh...I never thought this could ever happen ever again but it did, I had a nice evening without stress -- well, stress-less? no, but very do-able stress, and FUN! Even though my day started out with an emergency appointment at the DDS, and this being day number two (i.e. 3 times missed), without one of my meds, (Gordy, my hero du jour, took Mom with him and headed north to Oak Harbor to get the script from the Doctor's office and delivered it by hand to the pharmacy [yes, one of *those meds* that they won't take fax or phone ins]) which I took at 4:30 [I was feeling very nauseous and feared another episode to the ER -- but it subsided after taking the Rx. ] Then there was lots of scrambling to make things look good, play catch up with some US mail, (horrors, I found a note of termination of phone service if not paid...oh my -- it fell through the cracks!] and we all worked to ready the house for company. Gordy was just finishing setting up the christmas tree, and me finding music for the CD player, and adding some more holiday lights and candles and touches in the living room, when Kim and Doug arrived!!! They came bearing gifts of food, [Millie's Pizza, yes, ours was cut in squares...] and a gorgeous, home made cake -- perfection of fresh lovely tart cranberries dipped in sweet orange juice, with a light, sweet icing adorning it, and a gorgeous berry to complete the work of art...made, with love and expertise, by Kim. And if that wasn't enough, she brought prezzies for Mom and me to boot! Wow. Food eaten, and prezzies opened, happy all around, we all sat at the table in the living room and played, for the first time for the Gillman-Coale's (aka Walden Loopers) King's Cribbage! Mom and Kim were teamed up, and Douggie, Gordy and I were on our own. Dang, I really did poorly, but towards the end, my only goal was to not let Gordy beat me -- phew! I edged him out by a coupla points...so all was right in the world after all ! Oh, I hope so very much that we do more "game nights" in the future. It was good company, competition and teasing, and putting one's brains to something other than worrying and planning and regretting -- and it was a fun time [despite Mom's frustration at not being able to REALLY play, the rules were just too hard to grasp by her, and counting cribbage is rough at best, add to it, a board, and it doesn't fly]. I do think that maybe I will try scrabble with Mom in the future, even though words elude her when she tries to speak and communicate lately, but maybe she can still spell and puzzle out words with letters jumbled, we'll see. It would do her good to accomplish something and do well at it. Anyhoooo, nice night. Really really REALLY nice night. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh...
## PS afterwards, after clean-up, Gordy and I sat snug on the couch and watched the festive lights, and fireplace burning, and vegetated, while Mom sitting in the adjacent "comfy chair", and Zach curled nose to tail on the bench, and Olivia high up on the cat-castle...just being. Ooooooh lovely!
02:08 AM - link - |
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We went to the MD's yesterday because Mom has a rattle-y cough that got worse over the weekend and with her asthma, I didn't want to mess with it. More good news bad news. Good news is;
Dr Waite got the MRI results back, and he said that there were no indications of severe strokes, or the fluid on the brain!!! Yeeeha Gerry -- way to go, no brain surgery or issues to mess with -- Phew! Also, her cough isn't like her previous bout, where her lungs didn't clear up, so we just keep on with the OTC medicine, and and the end of the week, if she's worse, we start another series of anti-biotics then (this is a neat one -- you only take it for 3 days!). Lastly, he did another abdominal x-ray, and her insides look way cleaner now -- time to make sure that she is not soiling, or leaking, or having accidents. All could be goodness on that front! So, what's the bad news? Well, there are no more obstacles that allow me to face reality and keep putting off the need to start making appointments for a place for Mom to live other than with us. I can not explain the horrible feelings I have about this, the failure, the letting her and Dad down, the belief that this is the beginning of the end of things, an era, a family, a life, and the brutal reaction I anticipate from Mom when the deed is done -- where I sign on the dotted line, and we pack her stuff up, and take Mom to her new place, and she begs me to take her with me, etc etc and I have to ignore it and walk away, with promises of visiting, which won't take the hurt and angry look from her eyes as I leave, and as I visit in the future, and every day, a new betrayal in her eyes, with new hate (Mom does that one really well I'm afraid) and then the next stage will be "the call" with a fait accompli, or time for me to make the final decision to let her go -- this is too much to bear, for me to bear. And keeping this secret from her, oh sh**, this is so hard for me to have to do -- it goes against my core being. To say the least, it was a bad Marilyn session today...and I'm still trying to find my center, gain equilibrium, stop that emptiness, feel less ashamed and afraid and blue. Ahshit.
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07:59 PM - link - |
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good news and bad news both..... I was awakened by abdominal pain yesterday AM. Not a good feeling at all. It hurts -- how can I forget that iit hurt badly? We took Mom to WGH for her brain MRi. I was allowed inside, and held her feet, and talked to her. It was an honor i would prefer not to have bestowed upon me -- I *HATE* the noise -- like in thunderstorms, the lightning is ok, but it scares me to know the thunder is coming!!! my Dad tried logic and said, "if you hear the thunder, then your OK, it's good..." and, yes that is a way of perceiving it, but I'm stubborn and can't shake the pavlovian response -- if lightning, then big NOISE! WGHfolk can be so nice. The did a "fast series" as i told them she has no concept of time, and will need chatting and reassurance. Mom did fine, except take II with contrast, she kept asking, "Now?'..argh!!! So, we were heading out after a successful mri session, and i pondered if i should go to the ER -- but said, nah, tough it out.
I tried
i failed At about 9:00PM it was ER-ho. I was very lucky to have Bruce as the triage nurse, and then, *my* nurse! yes!!! he's a kind and funny and professional gent. Another score was having Dr Waterman there. he also knows my case well, and he allowed for my input. That's a good thing. I had a shot of dilauted and phenergan [pain & nausea respectively), then an X-ray, then the GI coctail, then 2 Bentyl, then a "sudsy enema" and a phenergan and toradal for the road. i was weirdly hyper when i got home, but lost it soon enough and grabbed some sleep. My intent is to take a stadol now as some pain is returning, and a fleet later. The good news in all this, is that I have been having pain in my abs and was taking Stadol and managing it (I stayed away from vicodin) and i started to fear that i was being excessive, but nope, it is truth, I was building pain up to this major flare!!! It's good to be reinforced about one's self assessment and body -- i so dont want to abuse it -- and the flare proved to me, concretely, that i was in pain, and yesterday was it's coming to a head. Time to wait for Mom's mri resullts. All toes and fingers are crossed. her walking has gotten very spooky lately. I hope she can get better w/out any scary brain stuff.
Enough is enough for my Mom already!!!
Uncle!
OK?
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03:26 PM - link - |
"walk this way..."
Igor [prnounced Eye-gore] from "Young Frankenstien" [pronounced Steen] --
there's more!
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We salute the Grammy nomination of the late great
Dave Van Ronk's final concert album: 
